Page 57 of Something like Desire

Live your life without depending on anyone else. (Practice self-pleasure!)

Set new boundaries with Gia after the wedding.

Write. And keep writing.

Recognize and respect that Mom and Dad are both adults capable of making their own choices to find happiness.

Gia stares at the list longer than I expect before finally speaking. “I agree with number six,” she says quietly. “The pressure of the wedding made me more high-maintenance than usual, and that’s saying something. I asked you for too much.” She pauses, studying me for a few quiet moments. “Was Jayden right? Did me taking up all your time cause you guys to break up?”

“No,” I say without hesitation. “Mom and Dad splitting up was the real catalyst that set everything in motion. It made me question if I was truly happy in my own life, and I realized I wasn’t. It wasn’t about you. But honestly, I do need to focus on myself for a while. I’m still here for you, but I need some time for myself too.”

Gia nods. “I totally get that. Even though I’m hungover and all I feel now is nausea and a pounding headache, I realize that I have to fill up all the free time I’m about to have.”

“Maybe you could start by discovering the entirety of the Kama Sutra,” I suggest.

Gia rolls her eyes at me but she’s smiling. “What about the other things on your list? How do you think you’re going to do with those?”

I think about it for a moment before responding. “Well, number one, I know I’m not getting back together with Jayden. And number three, I want to redecorate. It’s been years, and I’m ready for a change. Like I told you, I quit my job. Now that your wedding’s behind us, I’m going to start applying for jobs next week. Jobs that won’t feel like work. I’m going to write. I’m going to make a point of doing it every day because it makes me feel alive. And I’m very much finished with trying to interfere with anything going on with Mom and Dad. It was selfish to try to get Mom to sacrifice her happiness. I didn’t understand what was really going on, but I should have trusted her.”

Gia examines my list again and raises her eyebrows pointedly. “I do notice that you’ve left out a few. What’s the story with that?” She pretends to cough, then jokingly sputters out the name, “Zach.”

“Yeah, yeah, I figured you’d notice.” I shake my head and give her a hint of a smile. “I want to be with Zach, but I wasn’t honest with him. And even if he forgives me today, I don’t know if I’m ready to be in another relationship so quickly.”

“Yeah,” Gia says. “It’s also too bad he’s Mom’s boyfriend’s son. That’s a little incestuous.”

I make a face. “I don’t know about that, but it does kind of make it more complicated, yes.”

“So, number five, self-pleasure,” Gia says, a small smile playing on her lips. “I’m glad you’re embracing that. Everyone should be familiar with flicking their own bean—that’s always been my motto.”

“It’s a solid motto,” I say wryly.

“This is a good list,” Gia says. “And I think you should stick to it as much as you can.” She inhales deeply. “Okay, the Advil’s finally kicking in, thank God. I was starting to think I’d be carpet-bound forever.” She sits up and leans back against the sofa. “Let’s ask Maren over for lunch. Something extra greasy. Hangover food. Think Mark would be up for that?”

“Mark would be up for anything you suggest. He’s all about you.”

“Yeah, he’s a keeper,” Gia says with a faraway smile. “Watch out, Marky boy, wait until you see the lingerie I packed tomorrow night. Cabo, here we come.”

TWENTY-FOUR

Maren, Gia, and I lounge on matching teak chairs beneath the pergola in Gia’s backyard, the tall cedars lining the fence making the space feel like a neighbor-free private oasis.

And truth be told, I once went skinny-dipping in the pool on a particularly moonless night while Mark was away on business. But no one knows that.

It’s easy to slip away from reality here with the hot tub, in-ground swimming pool, and clay fountain. The garden’s professionally landscaped, and Mom loves to wander through it, admiring the spiky agave, clusters of blue succulents, and bursts of California poppies.

“Let’s hope your honeymoon is a little calmer than your wedding,” Maren says and takes a sip of her pineapple juice. “I bet you’re tired.”

Gia lifts her sunglasses so they’re sitting on her head and shrugs lazily. “Me and Lexi talked about it before you got here. Now that my Advil’s working, I’ve accepted the fact that my speech was next-level revealing and that I have a highly dysfunctional family, and I’m at peace with it now. C’est la vie, you know?”

Wow, that was fast. Who knew I could change Gia’s attitude with a little pep talk on the carpet?

Maren glances at me and nibbles on her bottom lip. “And how areyoudoing?”

“Pretty shitty,” I answer, fiddling with the hem of my tank top. “But I’m dealing.”

“Has Jayden contacted you yet?” Maren asks. “I’ve never seen him drunk like that before. Hopefully he’s okay.”

After my talk with Gia, Jayden and I spent a long time texting back and forth. “He’s all right. He apologized for crashing the wedding and for making a scene, and I told him I was sorry too for hurting him, and we agreed to talk again about me picking up some stuff from his place.”