Page 67 of If I Go Down with This Ship

And then I feel it, the slow slide of something across my hand.Oh, that is most definitely a snake.Not that I’ve ever held one, but the second it slithers over my fingers I freeze in place, every hair across my body standing on end.My knees shake from the effort to keep still as the snake wriggles all dry and scaly over my skin.

“Fuck me,” I whimper.

Today is not my day.It was going so well, too.Silas and me kissing and laughing as he held up my phone, snapping pictures and taking video.Silas accepting this unexplainable thing I carried with me.It had been perfect—until Charlotte and her crew showed up.One thing after another, and my day has dissolved into a bloody hand, drunken stumbles in the dark, overhearing a conversation I was clearly not meant to hear, and a snake slithering over me.

And how big is this goddamn snake?It doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.

Maybe if I make a run for it, I’ll be fine?Maybe, if I do it fast enough, the snake will just leave me alone?God, I don’t know anything about snakes, either.All I know is to avoid the slinky creatures.Louise would know what to do with this snake.She’s texted me photos and videos of herself picking up snakes or draping them over her shoulder with that wide, toothy grin.She’d pick this snake up carefully, cooing at it in her baby voice before letting it slither away.How she came to love reptilians, I’ll never understand.

With a shrill cry, I launch from the ground and swing my arm up, sending the snake soaring somewhere in the trees behind me.I dash through the brush, popping out onto the beach.Heads whip around as I stumble over the sand toward the fire before falling to my knees.

“Are you all right?”Mick asks as I press my forehead to the sand in relief.

Panting, I squint up at Mick as he looms over me.I wave my hand dismissively.“Just a snake.”

“Laszlo?”

I grimace before turning toward Silas as he makes his way back to the fire, Charlotte close at his heels.His brow is furrowed, lips tugged down as he nears me.Charlotte crosses around Silas and perches beside the fire with her crew.There’s a look of smug satisfaction tugging her features as she takes a swig from the offered bottle, eyes meeting mine.

Silas stops before me.I can’t bear to meet his gaze, to see the question there.It may have started as an accident, but I betrayed his trust just now, and I feel terrible for it.

“Were you in the trees, Laszlo?”

Both crews are quietly tuned in to our conversation even as they keep to themselves.

“I had to piss,” I say with a shrug.The words feel odd coming from me, so I brush the sand from my pants and move to stand.“There was a snake, so…”

“Laszlo.”

Finally, I peer up at him.Silas doesn’t seem convinced.He stares at me, and the guilt churns in my gut.Damn me and my curiosity; I should have turned and fled the moment I knew who it was.

There is nothing worse than disappointing the one person whose opinion you care about.And I can feel it snap something between us, feel the cold seeping into the place where it’s usually warm.He turns to go, and I want to reach out to him, to tug him back to my side and apologize, but everyone is watching and listening.

So I stand, arms hanging at my sides, as Silas rounds the fire.The crew surrounding Charlotte scooch away to make room for him as he settles down, thigh pressed to hers as he leans back in the sand.With a coy smile pointed at me, Charlotte hands him the liquor, and he takes it, their fingers brushing.

I lean forward, captivated as he presses the glass to his lips and tips the bottle back.He drinks deep, gulping down more than I’ve seen anyone else drink.He swallows and tugs the glass free, lifting the empty bottle high in cheers as both crews egg him on.

Everyone except me.

This is not the Silas I know.This is not the man who pressed a cool cloth to my forehead, who cried after a storm, who punched the wall when he lost part of his crew, who is helping Astra take revenge after being abandoned at the altar.

Who saved me when he didn’t even know me.

Silas is gone, and Captain Night is in his place.

My heart squeezes as he stands on loose legs and holds out a hand for Charlotte.The seconds drag out in agonizing silence as she waits for my reaction.

Maybe nothing will come of it.Maybe she won’t—

But Charlotte smiles at me and turns to Silas, her fingers sliding into his palm.I blink as she stands, and they dance and sway in the sand as Tarly plays a soulful song, the lyrics melding together until I hear nothing but my own ragged heartbeat.Silas’s and Charlotte’s foreheads seek each other’s as they speak in low voices.His hand is at her waist, hers at his shoulder.

And I am left kneeling alone in the sand to watch, the pieces of my heart buried back on our private little beach.

My fault.This is all my fault.

22Shell Yeah

I launchup with a gasp at the sound of someone screaming.Sand falls away from me as I blink against the glaring sun and come face-to-face with Astra.