Page 83 of If I Go Down with This Ship

“The crew chose to join Charlotte.She doesn’t want the ship, I don’t want the ship, and we don’t have the means to disguise it even if we wanted to.”He shrugs.

“So you burn it?”

“So we burn it.”

I linger beside him for as long as I can, but as if he can sense my dread, Silas squeezes my arm.I meet his gaze, even though I don’t want to hear the words.

“It’s time to go,” he says softly.

My mouth goes dry, and I spin on my heel and take in the beach once more.I hear the crew filing into the second-to-last longboat, and then there’s only one.But I don’t want to leave.Thisis where we spoke our truths.This is where I told him how I came to be here.This is where I kissed him and held him and laughed with him like there was nothing to worry about.

This is where we are happy.

I pat my pockets, sighing as my fingers find the bulge of my phone and journal.It takes every ounce of willpower to force myself across the beach and into the last boat.

Silas must see it in my face, because he deposits a mellow Sir in my lap and takes the oars up instead, steering us toward the ship.My stomach sinks when we reachShe Deceitfuland Silas hands Sir to Pip as the rest of the crew clambers up the rope, and then it’s only Silas and me left.We bob silently in the water, hearts on our sleeves.

He looks at me with a sad smile and leans forward to run a finger along the back of my hand.

“We still have time,” he promises.“This isn’t the end.”

No, not yet.But it may as well be.

I smile weakly as he reaches for the ladder.“Yeah,” I say.“Yeah, you’re right.Plenty more time.”But I do the calculations in my head, cross off the days on the calendar.

He climbs up and disappears over the side of the ship first.I hook the boat to the lines before I begin the ascent.Just before I reach the top, a familiar hand extends over the railing, and I take it as Silas pulls me over.

He grins up at me, his fingers dancing over the back of my hand, writing me love letters in touch alone.My heart sings, and I can almost pretend that we have a chance at a happily-ever-after.But then he turns to go address the newcomers, and I am left to fade into the back like I was always meant to.My smile wanes as I look out over the bow to the island.

Chaucer was right:All good things must come to an end.

With a sigh, I turn back to the ship and nearly scream as I come face-to-face with Eddie.“Eddie!”I press a hand to my chest.“You can’t keep doing that.”

He squints at me.“How do you make a pirate angry?”he asks.

“Odd time for a joke, but how?”

Eddie smiles, and it lights up his whole face.“You take away the ‘p.’”

“Without the ‘p’?”I frown before it dawns on me.“Irate?”

He swivels back toward the deck with a skip in his step, but I stumble after him, my hand outstretched.My fingers grab for his shirt, and I tug him to a stop frantically.

“Wait, Eddie, that’s a play on spelling.”

He nods, still grinning.“I know.”

My stomach dips.“That means… that means you’ve known how to read and write this whole time?”

“Eh, I know it well enough.Mostly for jokes.”He winks at me.“Always wanted to be a performer.”

He strolls off and disappears belowdecks, and I am left to stare after him.

All this time.

All this time, Silas could have chosen Eddie to be the next cabin boy.He must have known, or at least suspected, but still, he choseme.He kept me aboard this ship, even though he clearly had another choice.

I press a hand to my stomach, a spark of hope igniting.