Page 89 of If I Go Down with This Ship

I blink, my vision hazy as I stare down into the water.I still fear the ocean, fear the things that lurk in its depths, but now I also love it.I like the sway, I like the sounds of a tide lapping against a quiet, secluded beach.I like the way the water reflects anything and everything on its surface.

I like how the ocean brought me to him.

And I am going to miss it.

I shiver as my gaze catches on the ship in the distance.I never wanted anything to get this far or this bad, but it has, and it probably always would.We were never meant to have a happily-ever-after.I’ve known that all along.

Before I can regain my footing, I feel the cannonball before I see it, a rumble under my feet.I scream at the top of my lungs as one, two, three, and then six are fired onShe Deceitful.Silas isn’t moving, still pinned by the foremast as his ship splinters around him.I can’t see Sir in the wreckage.We should already be sinking, but somehow, the ship is still afloat, careening from each hit.

This reminds me so much of my first few moments aboardShe Deceitful, death looking me in the eyes, my future balanced on the edge of the blade or a thin plank of wood.

But there is nothing I can do to stop it.

“I love you!”I cry out over all the noise.I hope he hears me; I hope Silas knows.

My next words die on my tongue as something slices into my stomach.I teeter, staring down at the red blossoming across my white shirt and the large piece of wood sticking out of my gut.It is a splicing pain, enough to knock me out, but I try to focus through it, try to stay awake.I sway on my feet, my hands reaching for purchase, slick with blood, withmyblood when something wraps around my ankle, dragging me forward.

My body slams into the deck, teeth clanking together, copper coating my tongue.The cannon the rope is attached to flies through the air, tipping toward the railing, and I try to grab hold of a sharp object, something, anything to cut it with, but then it crashes through the railing and over the edge, and I’m falling.

“Silas!”I scream.

I hit the water.I struggle to swim to the surface, but my wet clothes and the cannon drag me down, the rope cinching tighter around my ankle.My blood floats around me in odd little bursts of red like watercolor on canvas, and I realize this is it.This is the end of our story, the end of our love, sunk to the depths of the sea.

And I never even got a chance to say goodbye.

29Let That Sink In

I thinkI’m drowning.I’ve never been so close to death before, but this must be it, must be the end of the line.

Bubbles rise from my mouth as I press my hands to my throat, clawing for air.My chest feels like it’s going to explode, tight and bursting.My eyes drift closed, and I think, for a long, dreadful moment, to let the water win.

It would always end here, me bleeding out at the bottom of the sea.

Alone.

How ironic.

But as my vision grows fuzzy and the pain in my side goes numb, I picture his face.Silas with that goofy smile stretching across his lips, his head thrown back as he laughs.Silas, with those calloused fingers.

Silas, with that adoring look on his face right before he kisses me.

Silas, waiting for me on that ship.

Alone.

But we don’t have to be alone anymore.

I blink up at the vessel as I sink farther down in the water and exhale.I can already taste the salt water flooding my lungs, and I don’t have a lot of time left before it’s over for me, but still I search for something to cut the rope on.

And then my eye catches on Silas’s knife glinting atop the sand at the bottom of the harbor.I swim toward it, as much as I can with the length of rope from the cannon still wrapped around my ankle.My chest is excruciatingly tight by the time I reach it, and I gasp, inhaling water as I bend toward my ankle and begin sawing.

Time ticks down as pieces of the ship splash into the water above, sinking into the sand around me.My vision grows black around the edges, and my hands are frantic as the last of the rope falls away, freeing me.I slip Silas’s knife clumsily into my belt and push off the sand.

I break the surface with a painful gasp, spitting up water.My insides scream with each breath, my lungs on fire, but I inhale shakily, forcing my pulse to slow.Coughing, I struggle to tread water, my body aching, the pain in my gut hot and pulsating as I spin in the water towardShe Deceitful.Smoke billows from the wreckage, pieces of the ship scattered around me, floating in the water or sinking in the harbor.

I’m terrified to go to it, to see what’s left of the little life I’ve grown fond of, but I can’t sit here and watch him die.I swim to what remains of the ship, and though my injury rips open with each stroke, I don’t allow myself to stop until I reachShe Deceitful.

It has sunk so low that I only have to climb up the ladder a few steps and pull myself over the side with a grunt before slipping into the water flooding the main deck.The wood creaks beneath me as the ship takes on more water, flooding in around my ankles.The center of the ship is concaved, the harbor swallowing it quickly.There are things floating in the foot or so of water, trapped beneath the weight of wood and cannons.Clothes, and an old, beat-up instrument that no doubt belonged to Tarly.