Page 101 of A Thousand Second Chances

He seems startled for a moment. Then he grins, brushing a finger lightly over the stubble on my cheek. “I know. I love you, too. Always have—probably always will.”

I think of Owen then and draw in a shuddering breath. “It’s kinda scary how much of myself I see in him.”

He nods, his face solemn. “Same.” His serious expression shifts to a smirk. “He has a crush on you, you know.”

“What?”

Chris huffs a laugh. “Wow, you reallyareclueless, aren’t you?” he says, shaking his head. “It was written all over his face. I’d hazard a guess thatyouwere the cause of his Great Gay Awakening. And when you cut off contact…”

I groan, slamming my palm against my forehead. “That only made it hurt so much worse. Dammit, I’m such an idiot.”

“I mean, if the shoe fits…”

I give him a mock shove, and he grins that lopsided grin I’d do anything for. Then another thought occurs to me, and I pale as my good humor drains away.Oh, God…

Chris squints, studying me. “What is it, Perce?”

“Why today?” I whisper, barely able to force the question out past the sudden weight in my throat.

His brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why did Owen picktodayof all days to take his own life? Carol told us he’d been having problems for a while now. If he’s been struggling with his sexuality and bullying at school for months, what made him choose this Saturday to do it? Unless…”

Chris tenses in sudden understanding. “Unless it was the university trip,” he finishes. “Unless it wasus.”

I nod, a fresh knot of guilt curdling my stomach. Us…or, more specifically,me.I’d said it myself—if I’d really been his first crush, my lack of contact must’ve been devastating. With everything else he’d been going through, seeing me again after all these years and convincing himself I’d never cared about him in the first place might very well have been what nudged him over the edge.

A hand on my shoulder snaps me back to the present, and I blink to find Chris’ concerned face filling my vision. “It’s not your fault, Perce,” he says, his voice firm. His green and gold eyes hold my gaze. “Owen’s choices in this and every other Saturday were his own—no one else’s. You can’t save someone that doesn’t want to be saved. All you can do is offer your hand.”

My vision blurs as I think back over all the times I’ve tried to reconnect with Owen since we got stuck in this loop. Again and again, I’d failed to get through to him…until tonight, when Chris and I made all the difference in the world. That realization steadies me, lending me renewed hope. No matter how many opportunities you miss, it’s never too late to try to do better.

It’s never too late to change.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I ask hesitantly.

Chris frowns, dropping his arm from my shoulder to slap a fist into his open palm. “If he’s not, we’ll just have to pummel some more sense into him until he’s willing to listen.”

“Such a jock,” I tease, swiping at the moisture lingering in my eyes.

He shifts closer to me, and my pulse quickens. “Oh, yeah?” he says, raising an eyebrow. “Because it seems to me this jock figured out what was going on when thenerdhad no idea.”

I grimace. “I hate that I wasn’t there for Owen when he needed me.” I take a deep breath.It’s never too late to try to do better.“Just like I wasn’t there for you.” Chris’ eyes widen as I reach out to cup his cheek. “But I’m here now. I won’t pull away from you again—I promise.”

Summoning the last of my courage, I lean in.God, I want this so bad.I love him, and he loves me, and after everything that’s happened tonight, I don’t have the energy to keep fighting our connection. I’m ready to be with him, whatever it takes.

But before I can bring my lips to his, he presses a hand to my chest, gently shifting me back.

My cheeks redden. “S-sorry,” I stammer. “I-I thought you wanted—”

“I do,” he says quietly. “You know I do.” His fingertips dust over my cheek in the faintest of touches before he lets his hand fall. “But like you said before, none of this is real. For now, I think it’s best we stay as we are—friends.”

Friends…

I bow my head. It’s more than I could’ve hoped for a cycle or two ago, even if the word sends a ripple of disappointment ricocheting through me. I want to reassure him that thisisreal. That no amount of iterations will change the way I feel about him. But how can I justify pressing for us to be more after how I’d hesitated with Owen only minutes earlier? Chris is right to be skeptical. I’ve already failed to fight for him twice before. He deserves better than mere words.

Chris snags my hand, and I look up to find a sad smile gracing his lips. “If you still feel like this when we escape the time loop—if you can prove to me that I matter when you know it counts—then maybe. But not until then.” He drops my hand, steppingback. It feels like he’s taking a piece of my heart with him. “Goodnight, Percy.”

“Goodnight, Chris,” I whisper.