Page 22 of A Thousand Second Chances

“Please!” she scoffs. “You’ve been a mopey wreck all weekend, and I don’t need to be a genius to see why. You can’t always run from your problems.”

“I wasn’t running!He’sthe one who ran!” I gesture to the empty seat. “That’s what he does whenever things get too hard!”

My voice is loud enough now that others are starting to stare and Oshkoff is giving us a scowl, but I can’t help myself. Quinn either doesn’t notice that we’re garnering an audience or doesn’tcare. “Well, I guess you’ve both still got at least one thing in common, then!”

A furious blush tinges my cheeks. “You don’t have any idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Oh, yeah? And why’s that? Maybe because you’ve gotten so good at shutting out the rest of the world!”

“I have not!” I huff, crossing my arms. “I talk to you all the time.”

“Not about the stuff that actually matters.” Her voice turns sad, and I feel a twinge of guilt for taking out my ire on her. “We’ve been friends for two years now, and I barely know anything about you.”

My fingers play with the edge of the tablecloth. “You know plenty about me.”

She shakes her head. “I know you love to write and want to be an author someday. I know you generally hate most people. But beyond that? You barely talk about your family or anything from before I met you. I didn’t even know Percyexisteduntil this trip, even though he was obviously a big part of your life growing up.”

The mention of Percy brings my emotional turmoil surging back. “I told you already—Percy and I used to be friends. Best friends. Then we drifted apart.” I force a shrug. “Shit happens.”

Quinn lets out a frustrated growl. “Bullshit!Somethinghappened, and I don’t understand why you won’t just tell me about it. Why the two of you still can’t clear the air after all this time.”

“Because he broke my heart!”

I’m on my feet, panting, before I can fully process the scream that tears out of my throat. All eyes are definitely on me now—not only our own table, but the other tables nearby as well. A deathly silence falls, and I feel like I’m suffocating.

My panicked gaze flicks from Oshkoff’s obvious disapproval to Quinn’s open-mouthed shock. How she hadn’t already puttwo and two together, I’m not sure. Or maybe she had, and it’s the strength of my reaction that surprised her. So much for the healing power of sharing.

The walls seem to tighten around me, and I suddenly can’t stand to be there a single second longer.Maybe Quinn’s right, and Percy and I do have something in common—we’re both cowards.

I ignore Quinn shouting for me to wait, Oshkoff yelling at me to sit down and stop making a scene. In five seconds flat, I’m barreling out the front doors into the chilly night. Main Street stretches around me, illuminated by streetlamps. It’s late enough now that most tourists have left on the ferries, leaving the sparser overnight crowd to wander the streets. Many of the shops stand dark, but a few, like our restaurant, still blaze with light, catering to those who remain.

Standing there in the cold, tugging my jacket tighter around me, some of my anger dims. I scrub a hand over my face, remembering the tears streaming down Percy’s cheeks. Jesus, I hadn’t meant to make him cry. But what had he or Quinn expected, cornering me like that and forcing me to relive the worst time of my life?

Or maybe you’re just an asshole. Maybe that’s why you have no friends—why your parents think you’re a failure and the track team turned on you. Why Percy decided he wanted nothing to do with you and kicked you to the curb.

Restlessness compels me down the street. Despite my mood, I have to admit downtown possesses a certain charm, especially now that the hustle and bustle of the day has given way to quiet darkness. What must it be like during winter when the ferries stop running and the island basically shuts down? That kind of complete isolation sounds pretty appealing at the moment.

Eventually, I wander into a pub that doesn’t seem too busy and snag a seat at the bar. The local beer I order is crisp and smooth.I finish it in a couple big gulps, then order another. I could switch to something harder, but beer’s always been my drink of choice. Besides, I want to numb my thoughts, not end up too smashed to function.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it. Probably my mom with another pointed reminder not to ruin my future. Or maybe Quinn checking up on me.

I sigh and cup my hands around my chilled glass. Out of everyone, she’d deserved my blow-up the least. Her willingness to call me on my bullshit is usually one of the things I like most about her. Tonight, I guess it hit a little too close to home.

Tomorrow, I tell myself, taking a large sip of amber liquid.I can deal with all the fallout of this tomorrow. Tonight, I just need todeal.

A few beers later, I spot a familiar beefy figure walking past the pub’s entrance—Devon, that girl of his wrapped around his arm as usual. The two of them are laughing and looking at each other like they’re the only things in the world that matter.

Envy spikes in my chest, and I shove it down. What the hell do I care about anything that asshole does?

They pause outside the entrance, and my envy twists to alarm. In my current mood, running into him would be a recipe for disaster. The last thing I need tonight is to end up in jail for starting a bar fight.

Thankfully, the two of them keep walking a few seconds later. The tension in my body uncoils as I relax over my drink. One crisis averted. Now if I could only solve the unending crisis that is my life.

Maybe it’s the alcohol talking or the memory of that shared look of intimacy, but suddenly, I yearn to feel that level of connection with someone again. I mean, it’s not like I’ve been celibate the last couple years. Being out on campus came witha few perks, the increased ease of picking up guys chief among them. But none of them ever meant anything. Not like—

Yeah, no. Not going there.

Clutching my beer like a lifeline, I guzzle what’s left in the glass and set it down, waving off the bartender when she gives me a questioning look. The comfortable buzz I’ve got going is enough—exactly what I need to silence some of the screaming voices in my head.