Page 33 of Kitten

“Why do you keep emphasizing that she likes me?” I pulled Silver onto my lap, then brushed her back with my palms in long, heavy strokes so her eyes slanted and her fur went flat and glossy. “I don’t care if she likes me,” I said. “Youcare about that. You care about being liked, so you assume everybody else does.”

“You’re hurting her,” said James.

“We do this every morning.”

“Stop,” he said, his voice louder. “You’re holding too tight.”

I relaxed my hands. Silver coughed, gave her head a shake, then yawned. We met eyes. Don’t you dare, I thought. She did not move.

“Fine,” James said coolly. “I’ll just go by myself. Have fun.”

He shut the door with a resounding thud. I bit my lip and looked at Silver. Her ears twitched.He’s dramatic.

“I know.” I sprinkled her with kisses. “But it’s okay. Now it’s just us.” I felt guilty for saying this out loud, putting intothe world the truth of my diminishing allegiance toward James. But I was relieved to be home alone, and anyway Silver wouldn’t tell a soul.

—

Hours passed. No sooner hadJames left than Silver lost interest in me. I sat on the couch with my knees tucked to my chest, focusing on the cramping in my legs, growing hungry.

The sky darkened. Shortly afterward came the reliable plunking sound of rain. It dawned on me that James would probably be having dinner out, with Isabelle. My stomach made an indignant noise.

The refrigerator was full of things I could not use: a slab of raw fish, leeks, shriveled peppers, half a yellow onion. We’d finished all the frozen pizzas. James’s cookbook sat on the butcher block, open to a recipe for baked monkfish with crème fraîche and vermouth. He baffled me sometimes.

In the cupboard, behind various spices and a jar of capers, I found a sleeve of old crackers. They were thick and cakey in my mouth. I needed dip, but James never bought dip, only whole ingredients with which to make dip from scratch.

The sound of thunder battered the windows. I worried for Silver, whose ears were so delicate. She must’ve gone hiding, she hadn’t even finished her dinner. Her bowl was still full of the duck pâté James had opened for her earlier, the can covered in smiling ducks splashing in aquamarine water. It was truly delightful. On the side, in loping cursive: 50% Duck, 6% Essential Nutrients.

I dipped my cracker. The pâté broke easily, like silken tofu. It was a little bland, but not bad. If I got past the greasiness, I could even enjoy the slight chew of what must’ve been the real shreds of duck. Plus, it had nutrients. James always said I needed to eat more nutrients.

My phone rang. It was Lou.

“Hey,” I said.

“You’ve been ignoring me.”

“Not on purpose.”

“Sure. You okay?”

“Um.” I put down the cracker. “Yes, fine.”

“I have something to tell you. I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Okay.”

Lou cleared her throat, then sucked on her teeth. The sound was familiar and filled me with the desire to be together, pregaming a bad party. “Anna found new tenants.”

She paused, presumably to let me say something. I fingered the pâté.

Lou caved. “I didn’t know she was looking, I swear. I told her to give you more time. But, I mean, these people were willing to pay above market rate. She couldn’t say no. I mean, it’s shit, but. What are your plans?”

“I don’t have any plans.”

“Well, so,” Lou sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you. Like, I know it’s a shock, but you shouldn’t have put all your eggs in this one basket.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, well. Is there anything I can do to help?”