Page 57 of All For You

“Whaaaa? You’re up in your tower counting your money, and life is passing you by, brah.”

I winced.

The shy boy with dark hair in the corner smiled at that. He was quietly working away. I’d noticed him before, always in the background, and he reminded me of myself at that age. Observing from a distance, getting vicarious joy from other people joking and interacting, while quietly content to continue with his puzzle.

He did seem genuinely happy, but was I? Had I ever been? I always had stuff to fill my day, but did any of it fill me with joy? Satisfaction, yes. Completion, yes. But that brilliant feeling of happiness? Even contentment?

“Okay, who’s in for a game of soccer ?” I asked, focusing on rounding the kids up and getting outside.

“We’re occupied at the mo,” Otis said. “Maybe later.”

“So, about you not having a wife or husband,” Lashana called over from where she was working with a group of girls at the craft table.

Today, they were making friendship bracelets from bucketloads of beads. Come to think of it, they always seemed to be making friendship bracelets.

I joined them, even though I wasn’t exactly enjoying this line of inquiry.

“It would be a wife,” I said. “But no, I haven’t got one.”

She pursed her lips, and the others looked down at their hands.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wainwright, but we all saw previews of that show you were on, and shhhhi—” She stopped herself because she knew she wasn’t supposed to swear. “Let’s say, noooot gooood.”

The rest of the girls made clenched-teeth faces.

“Hard agree,” one piped up.

“Hard agree,” I echoed.

Their foreheads creased and their jaws slackened. At my admission of failure, they now all looked sad and sorry for me. Being honest about my vulnerabilities had been hard before meeting Lizzy. But I’d done so at the river with the swing. Right now, though, I couldn’t crack open my heart that far, expose myself to more pain.

“I have got a dog, though.” I tried to lift my voice and paste a smile on my face. “His name is Max. And I’ve adopted another dog from the show called Topaz LeStar.”

“Aww. That shows people who you really are,” Lashana said, though I hadn’t adopted Topaz for any other reason than she’d grown on me with her endless belief in herself.

“Ohh,” said one of the other girls. “Love it.”

“Back to who’s going to get this bracelet.” Lashana was skilled at steering conversations and wasn’t going to be fobbed off by pets. “Have you got someone in mind?”

“Um, maybe,” I said. But that had been over before it’d even started. Why had I walked away from Lizzy? Why hadn’t I pushed harder? Maybe I was hurt and frustrated with Lizzy’s quick assumption that I’d pressured Wills to end it with Jane, when that was not what I’d done. But now, as things had unfolded, I wondered if I was wrong about more than Jane’s character.

Lashana peered up at me wisely. “Someone from the show?”

They gave each other looks I couldn’t decipher. I wondered if they were speechlessly considering all the women on that weekend and trying to narrow it down.

“Sorry, can’t say,” I said.

Lashana furrowed her brow at me, annoyed now.

“Ooookaaaay.” She gave a long-suffering sigh and a martyred look. “We’re still going to help you.” Again, she wordlessly consulted her council, and after a considered amount of time, one by one, they each nodded at her as if they’d come to a unanimous decision. “You should make her a bracelet with your digits on it and give it to her.”

Where did they come up with this stuff?

“Hmm,” I murmured.

“If that doesn’t work, you have to call her on the megaphone.”

“Like a speakerphone?” Why? Was it a public humiliation thing? So they could all hear her answer?