Page 164 of Eternal Craving

I hesitated. “She does have a point.”

“He’s living with a physician,” Marcus said. “He won’t put the boy in harm’s way.”

“How do you know that?” Sunaria asked. “What if he beats the boy?”

“He looks well cared for.” I glanced back up at the window.

“The old man does appear to have reached a good age,” Marcus said.

“What has that got to do with anything?” Sunaria snapped.

“Well, I was just answering your concern about disease,” he replied. “When he’s old enough for you to explain, he may want to live with you.”

“He will live with me,” I said abruptly.

“I can’t believe we’re even having this discussion.” Sunaria gestured in frustration.

“This day should be glorious,” I said, rubbing my temples, “but instead, it’s torturous.”

“Look, we know where he is now.” Marcus squeezed my shoulder. “Let’s just wait and give this decision some thought.”

I pushed Marcus’ hand off.

“Jacob has found stability,” Marcus continued. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t see him. He’s just safer here.”

I sighed. “If he’s seen at the manor, he could be at risk.”

“You’re seriously considering leaving him here?” Sunaria asked me.

My throat tightened. I felt sick.

Marcus gave me a sympathetic look.

“We’re leaving him here.” I turned away from them. “It’s decided.”

“Why?” Sunaria asked.

“Because this is his home.” My voice sounded strange to me. “I want him to have everything that I can’t give him.”

“What can that old man give him that you can’t?” Sunaria asked, her voice breaking.

“Daylight,” I said.

What kind of father leaves a child abandoned or vulnerable to hidden threats?

Despite having made my decision, I lingered, staring up at the house.

I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him. Not allowing myself the opportunity to hold him was torture. It would be an easy thing to break in, seize Jacob, and whisk him off, go through the motions I’d been planning since I’d first stepped foot in London. Leaving him in the place where I’d found him had not even been an option. Marcus had planted doubt in my mind, and I hated him for it.

Unaffected by the morning chill, though slightly distracted by a nagging hunger, it dawned on me that I didn’t want to expose Jacob to this life. True love, I realized, was about letting go, freeing those whom we cared most about.

Sunaria had left hours before, too upset to argue anymore, and Marcus had withdrawn soon after, giving me time to think.

Far off, a cockerel announced the morning. If I’d had the time to find it, I’d have rung the bird’s neck. I strolled away, along the winding street, glancing back several times before leaping up onto one of the rooftops. The night seemed blacker, and the cold reached into my bones. London’s nightscape was a mass of grey buildings in disarray, the bleakest city. Longing for Spain, I reassured myself that soon I’d return with Jacob. Heavy-hearted, I made my way home.

The house was deserted; the servants having gone home hours earlier. I found Sunaria in the lower chambers. She wore a transparent gown, and a plumage of fine, black feathers at the neck and cuffs. Two coffins were pushed up into the corner.

“When did we acquire those?” I felt uneasy.