Page 43 of Breathing Under Water

Leo moves toward the tail of the plane, farther out of earshot.

“I just think it’ll give Leo some closure to be able to say goodbye.”

I tried to convince Leo to call her, but he hates talking on the phone to people he doesn’t know that well. The pressure for immediate responses is too much for him.

“You can keep it super brief,” I tell Harrison. “Dad and I don’t even have to come downstairs. We can hide!”

Harrison laughs at that. “You don’t have to hide,” he says in a tone that tells me he thinks I’m ridiculous. “She doesn’t even think this is a real date, I bet. And she seemed grateful to have another opportunity to see Leo. It was... nice.” He sighs lightly, and I think to myself that this boy’s got it bad for the swim teacher.

Three hours later, I see an old Toyota Camry pull into our driveway, and I hurry up the stairs. Even though Harrison said I didn’t have to hide, it’s not so hot for a guy in his mid-twenties to bring a date to his parents’ house before they’ve ever even gone out. The least I can do is make myself scarce.

Phil is on his way down the stairs, but I intercept him with a conspiratorial whisper.

“No! We’re hiding!”

“Oh, come on,” he says, glancing at the front door. “For real?” But he smiles as he says it, as if he’s game to play along.

“Yes!”

I take hold of his wrist to start pulling him up the stairs. He laughs and says in a loud whisper, “Better hustle if we don’t want to get caught.”

With my fingers clutching his wrist, we scurry away fromthe foyer, and I wonder how long it’s been since we’ve touched in any meaningful way. I want to let out a breath at the feel of his warm skin under my hand, something so familiar I hadn’t realized I was missing. But there’s something else frothing inside me too. Anger and resentment. I was so distracted by Harrison’s phone call earlier that I never did check Phil’s location. If I had, maybe I’d have gotten some answers as to why my husband has pulled so far from me that we barely even touch anymore. It started with his mother’s death, but everything has continued unraveling. We’re at the point that now we just feel like a cliché, a middle-aged married couple that never gets along. Except for rare moments like this one, when we do. It’s all so confusing.

At the top step, I drop his arm just as the doorbell rings.

“I’ve got it!” Harrison calls from the kitchen below.

Now that we’re out of sight, I can’t help lingering at the top of the landing to hear what happens down below. Phil rolls his eyes at me, but there’s a warmth to it. He shakes his head a little and then fixes me with an expression I can’t quite name, a mix of fondness and anxiety. Before I can properly label it, he stalks off to our home office, leaving me to my eavesdropping.

“Hi,” I hear them say to each other at the same time, and then they both laugh.

“Thanks again for coming,” Harrison says, and it sounds like his voice has dropped a couple of octaves. “Come on in.” The commotion of the door closing and her shoes against the wood floor drown out whatever quiet words he says next, but then his volume rises. “Leo!” he calls into the house. “Come see McKenna!”

“Hey, so...” McKenna says, “I was thinking maybe Leo and I could go for a walk around the block, if you think he’d be cool with that.”

My heart swells when I hear it. I don’t know how this young woman has managed to figure out my son so well in such a short time, but taking a walk with him is exactly the right thing. The movement will provide sensory input and stimulation that will help him stay calm during what could potentially be an overwhelming conversation. A walk also reduces the pressure for eye contact.

“Yeah, of course,” Harrison says. “As long as it’s okay with Leo.”

“As long as what’s okay with me?” Leo asks as he approaches them.

“Hi,” McKenna says. “Want to go for a walk?”

Leo must nod in response because McKenna says, “See you in a bit,” and then the door clicks closed.

A couple of seconds tick by with me still rooted to my spot, and then Harrison calls up from the foyer. “Why not hurry to the window so you can get a look at her?” There’s a bit of glee in his voice, probably because he’s busted me.

I feel my chin rise an inch as I respond in the most dignified voice I can muster. “I will do no such thing.” Then I also head to the home office, even though the windows sadly face the backyard.

22

McKenna

July 2023

I don’t say anything as we start down the stone path or even once we make it to the street. Instead, I give us a few moments to just exist alongside each other. Or maybe Leo is giving those moments to me. It’s calming, feeling the warmth of the pavement through my flip-flops, soaking in the stagnant heat of the late-day summer air, meandering down this quiet street, both of us getting to just be.

The neighborhood is pretty uniform, large plots of land showcasing stately, traditional homes flanked by artfully placed, colorful hydrangea bushes. It’s a different vibe from the neighborhood where Glory’s little house sits, only six and a half miles from here. I never minded living so close to the next house over. I could almost reach into our neighbor’s kitchen from our window. But there’s something really soothing about the wide-open spaces in this part of town.