Page 102 of Louder Than Words

“Because there’s nothing to grieve, Allie. You don’t know anything yet,” she says, shaking her head like she’s trying to understand. “Are you still bleeding?”

“No.”

“Cramping?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, then the baby—”

I hold up a finger, cutting her off. “No,” I snap. “This—thisright here—is why I sent Jax away. I sent him back to Boston so I could deal with thismy way.”

She reaches out and wraps her hand around mine, gently pulling it down. Then she meets my eyes. “And we’re just trying to help you see that this isn’t the end,” she says quietly. “The baby will be okay. Charlotte and Lydia aren’t going anywhere—”

I cut her off with a scoffing laugh. “Right. I’m sure the judge isthrilledto hand over custody after I couldn’t even finish my line of questioning. I’m sure that really sold me as emotionally stable.”

Ana exhales. “Allie, they didn’t stop the hearing.”

I frown. “What? What do you mean?”

“I mean after you were taken to the hospital, Trevor tried to have it postponed. But me being me, I wasn’t about to let that happen.” She shrugs. “You need this over. So, I said exactly that and we kept going. There won’t be another court date.”

I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.

On one hand, it’s a relief that we won’t have to drag this on any longer. But on the other, I have no idea what was said. Or what Trevor tried to paint me as while I was gone. Then there’s the fact I had to leave right after everyone finding out Jax and I…

“Wait, Nora told them about Jax and me getting married.” My voice pitches higher. “She knew that would give them ammo. And I didn’t even get to finish explaining my side of it. They’re going to think—”

“Allie, slow down.” She leans in a little, voice calmer now. “Let me ask you something. Why now?”

I blink. “What do you mean?”

“Why did you and Jax get married right now? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to wait until after court?”

Tears well in my eyes, seconds from spilling. I try to blink them away—but apparently that was the wrong move, because they fall anyway. Sliding down my cheeks as I stare at her and shrug.

“Because I’m sick of hiding. Sick of other people being in charge of my life,” I admit. And for some reason, it doesn’t feel nearly as good to say out loud. “We were so happy about the baby, and honestly, even if I hadn’t gotten pregnant and he asked, I still would’ve said yes. I don’t want to imagine my life without him, Ana.”

“Then why did you send him away?”

His face flashes in my mind again, and it’s all I can take before my chest splits wide open.

Ana swoops in without hesitation, cradling me in her arms as I fall apart. Letting me cry desperately.

And I let it all out. All the pain. All the hurt. All of… everything that’s been my life for the last few years.

“I don’t want him to think I’m weak,” I choke out. “I don’t want to be the person that drags him down or dims his light. He’s been through so much, Ana. I just… I don’t want to add to it. He deserves better than that.”

She grabs my face, gently but firmly, forcing me to meet her eyes. “He deservesyou, Allie. And you deservehim.You both deserve the love you give each other. No matter what. But you’ve got to stop pushing that man away. You are his life. Anyone can see it. He would do anything for youandyour girls.” She pauses. Doesn’t say anything for a few beats—just searches my face. “IfJax were going through what you are… would you think he was weak?”

I shake my head without even thinking.

“Exactly,” she says. “So stop holding yourself to some impossible standard he never asked you to live up to.”

I don’t even think—I justmove, pulling Ana into a hug so tight she lets out a surprised laugh before wrapping her arms around me.

“Thank you,” I murmur into her hair.

She rubs my back a few times, then murmurs, “Hey, at least you don’t smell like a foot anymore.”