Page 36 of Louder Than Words

The fact that this is our life now, and that it doesn’t just affect mine, but his too? Itbreaksme. It kills me to watch his brow crease together and his eyes swim with so much concern, like he’s also transported back to that awful day. I can see him trying to hold himself together, and all I want to do is go back to our hotel room.

But Ineedto do this.

I finally give him a nod. “I promise I will.”

He cups my face gently, pulling me to him as he presses his lips to mine. “Try to have a good time, yeah?” he says softly against my mouth.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I force myself to leave his car. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest with every slap my feetmake against the pavement. Thoughts swirling so fast I almost,almost, rush back to Jax. Knowing he’d keep me safe and hold me as long as I need.

My hand wraps around the diner’s handle, and the second I pull it open, everything drowns out. My thoughts are replaced with clattering dishware, so many conversations I’m not sure how they even know what they’re saying, and the smell of burnt coffee lingering in the air.

Ana spots me immediately, more than likely seeing all the color drain from my face as she rushes over to me.

“Hey, girl!” she says, standing in front of me. Her lips twitch at the corner as she eyes me over. “Well, damn, Allie. At least one of us had a night to brag about.”

I frown, shaking my head. I look down, checking over my outfit to see what on earth she could be talking about. “What do you mean?” I ask, still scanning over my dress to see if there’s some sort of stain.

The feel of her hands moving my hair freezes me.

“And don’t even try to blame it on your curling iron,” she says with a soft chuckle.

If I thought I was pale before, I must be practically translucent now as my face flushes.

Ana pulls me by the arm, clearly missing the fact I’m having a mental breakdown at the moment and ushers me into a chair. When I look up, Nora is sitting across from me with a frown, hand running along her swollen belly.

“With how much heartburn I have already, this kid better have a full head of hair,” she complains.

Ana snorts beside me as she stirs sugar into her coffee. “What? You mean like Gareth’s mop?”

I force a smile and snap open my menu. Not feeling completely up to par for listening to my best friend complain about thepregnancy she’s lucky to have while sitting in the restaurant that took away my chances of ever having another one.

“Do you guys know what you want to order?” I ask, pointedly.

Nora sighs—loudly—then clicks her tongue, a sound that never fails to scrape against my nerves. “Well, Iwantedpancakes. But of course now I can’t stand the thought of them. I can already tell the morning sickness isn’t going to let up any time soon.”

And then...nothing.

My brain just shuts off. Maybe even goes a little numb. Tuning out the noise, the negativity—doing whatever I can to hold my mental health together while it hangs on by a thread.

It’s like she forgets where we are. At the very restaurant that started it all. The one that nearly took my life. The one that almost made my daughters motherless. And now I’m supposed to sit here, smiling politely, listening to my best friend complain about something I’ll never have again?

Nora lifts a sausage link between her fingers, waving it around as she talks.

God, I didn’t even realize the food had been dropped off.

Did I even order?

“And the freaking lightning crotch already? I don’t think I slept more than an hour last night.”

Ana offers me a tight smile, and I can already tell she’s trying so hard not to lose her mind on Nora. Not just because of the complaining, but seriously, we’re eating breakfast while talking about hervagina?

Ana sets her fork down carefully and leans against the table. “You know, not everyone gets to complain about a pregnancy, Nora,” she says, trying to keep her voice level. “You’re lucky. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

Nora scoffs under her breath, eyes still locked on her plate as she stabs into her home fries. “Lucky? I’ll tell you what, you can carry her, then you’ll understand.”

My chair scrapes back so fast it screeches loudly across the tile.

“I—I need a second,” I mutter, not even sure who I’m talking to as I bolt from the table.