Her question catches me off guard. “Which one?” I ask, but I know who she’s referring to because I only seriously dated one person. I was in love and wanted everyone to know. I was sostupid.
“Tony something or other.”
I don’t want to say his name. It’s like speaking him into existence. “Oh, that guy,” I say nonchalantly. “I don’t know. After we broke up, we lost contact.”
“He was such an asshole. I remember all the shit he put you through.”
I recoil at the memories. She doesn’t know half of it. “Yeah, he was.”
She must notice my uneasiness with the conversation, so we move on, but the front door opens and shuts. We turn in the direction to see her roommate, Abel, come into view. He heads straight to the kitchen and makes himself a plate of food, then joins us in the small living room.
“Hey, bitches!”
“Hi, Abel.” He sets his food on the side table, then comes to me and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, which lasts a little too long. That’s how Abel is; he always has the charm dialed up.
Bere turns to him. “You better go take a shower; you reek of sex and bad decisions.”
“I know; doesn’t it smell amazing? Maybe you should give it a try.” He bites back.
I laugh. “Well, Bere, he could smell worse. Plus, he does work at a sex club,” I remind her, because he has no qualms about sharing.
She looks at him. “Abel, you’re a waiter; it’s not like you’re being a top or a bottom.”
“For your information, sometimes I top, and sometimes I bottom. You would know more about sex if you had it.” He throws back. Even I think that was too much.
“Hey, there is no sex shaming here,” I shout in his direction.
I know that Berenice has always been on the conservative side of sex. It has to do with her upbringing, which she’s working so hard to move away from.
“Fuck, you’re right. I’m sorry, Bere.” He moves close to her and wraps an arm around her.
She nods with a sniffle. “I know I’m a prude about sex, but I’m working on it.”
Abel hugs her. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m just being cocky. I should know better.” He gives her a kiss on the forehead and directs his attention to me. “What about you, Veronica? Maybe you should come to the club and help me drag this one out.” He squeezes Bere and uses his free hand to start eating. “I keep inviting her, but she turns me down every time.”
“No, thank you. I’m trying to steer clear of trouble.” I think about a couple of days ago. I’m still trying to piece together what happened at the club. I should know better than to mix pills and alcohol.
He brings me out of my thoughts. “Well, I’m going to go take a shower. I have a date with a fucking god.” He finishes his last bite of food. “I think I’ll top tonight.” Bere rolls her eyes at him.
I can’t remember the last time I had sex. Fuck, I need to get laid. As soon as he leaves to get ready, I turn to Bere. “He’s invited me to the club, but I’m too nervous to go,” she admits.
I know I shouldn’t say what I’m about to, given that I’m trying to stay out of trouble, but when have I learned? “Well, tell me when, and I’ll go with you. It may be the only way to get laid without anyone finding out.”
“Deal.”
Sitting here, pretending to watch the movie, all I can think about is the photograph. There is only one person who had access to those photos. It’s the same person who took them. The one man who I obeyed completely. The man who, one minute, made me feel cherished, and the next, disregarded me, but like a fool, I always went back to him. Thatwent on for over a year. And as a result, I walked away with a lifetime of trauma.
I look at Berenice. Out of all my friends, she’s the one who stuck around. She doesn’t party; she doesn’t come from wealth. We are opposites, but nevertheless, I know I can call her when I need someone to talk to. She doesn’t know how far I went for Tony. She was in college, and I never wanted to burden her with the details, not like Tabitha, who hasn’t responded to me in months. When I was in Miami for my birthday, I thought about stopping by her place, but I was caught up with my party. Fuck, I’m so selfish.
“Hey, Bere.” She turns and looks at me.
“Am I a bad friend?” I ask her because she would never lie to me.
“Well, you can be selfish; we all can. What matters is that you’ve been a good friend to me.” I can see she wants to say more. “I worry about you. All the partying, the drinking, and the occasional drug use.” She holds my hand tightly, and it grounds me. “Just be careful. All that can catch up to you.”
I know she’s right. I need to start doing better. She pulls me into a hug, and I hug her back. I didn’t know how much I needed this. The rest of the night, we spend cuddled up and laughing. I know she needed this as much as I did.
On my way home, I look out at Veridian Bay. It’s a beautiful city; it’s my home. As much as I try to run, it will always be home. I need to start creating a life of my own here. I pull out my phone and text the person who will understand me. I enter my apartment and head straight to my window. There, I greet my babies and tell them all about my time at Bere’s. Then, it’s straight to my bedroom, but I’m restless. The mention of his name tonight brings back memories, and those memories are accompanied by shame. The shame of how I let one person controlme. Control my body. After what seems like an eternity of tossing and turning, I finally fall asleep.
