Page 59 of Deliverance

“I said it was an emergency adjacent situation,” Liam muttered from his place on the floor across the coffee table. “There’s a difference.”

Danny pressed a glass of wine into my hand without asking and dropped into the armchair next to Grace. “Eat something first,” he said. “Then we’ll talk.”

I opened my mouth to argue.

“Evelyn.” His voice was gentle but firm. “Eat.” The tone was one he had used on me many times over the years, particularlywhen he thought I was teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown. He probably wasn’t wrong in this case.

I stifled my sigh and dug into my lasagna. It was good. It always was. But it wasn’t as good as Alexander’s. I wrinkled my nose.

“What’s that face?” Danny asked. “You love their lasagna.”

“It’s nothing. The lasagna is great.”

“That was not a nothing face.”

“Danny.”

“Evelyn,” he shot back.

I rolled my eyes. He was like a dog with a bone, and I knew he wasn’t going to let it go. “Fine. Alexander’s is better. That was the face.”

Danny screwed up his face, and the others laughed at him.

“Awww that’s so sweet,” Maya said. “I could vomit.”

Liam dramatically scooted away from them, and Maya threw a breadstick at him.

The familiar banter eased something in my chest. Not all the way, but enough that it felt like I could breathe.

“Okay,” Grace said once the laughter settled. Her voice was quieter than the others; it always had been, but the edge of command in it had me sitting up straighter. “Talk to us.”

I sighed, placing my fork on my plate. “I fucked up.”

“Bullshit,” Grace cut me off. “You didn’t fuck up. No one could have guessed that would have been his next move.”

“I should have seen it coming, though,” I argued.

“Why? With your powers of telepathy?” Grace argued back. “You’re not omnipotent, even though you want to act like you are.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t act like I’m omnipotent. I know I’m not.”

Danny grimaced, and I narrowed my eyes at him. He shrugged off my glare like he always had. “Sorry, but I have to agree with Grace. You take on too much, Eve. You always have.”

“The Archers are my responsibility. That’s part of the job,” I argued, but it sounded weak even to my ears.

“But they’re not just your responsibility,” Danny said. “You’ve taken it on, but we’re in it with you. We chose this. Every single person in the Archers chose to be here because we believe in the mission. That’s not exclusive to you.”

“He’s right,” Maya said. “We all chose to get involved. We knew the risks going into this. Hell, you saved me from the exact situation we save others from. This wasn’t like you hid the mission from us and pulled the wool over our eyes. Our eyes were wide open.”

Danny nodded. “You’ve spent years absorbing everything so the rest of us didn’t have to. Every hard decision, every risk, every consequence, you put it all on your own shoulders, and we let you. And that’s our fault, but none of us said anything because we could see you needed to do it that way. That you needed that control.”

“He’s right,” Grace said, rolling her eyes when Danny grinned at her. “And you know what that costs me to say that. But I’m also not going to sugarcoat it for you. You don’t get to decide what we can handle. That’s not protecting us. That’s just control with better intentions.”

Those words landed hard in my gut like someone had punched me in the stomach. I had carried the mantle of leadership for so long, not letting anyone else in until the guys. Even my lieutenants, my friends—well, my chosen family, actually—had tried. But I hadn’t let them. I called it leadership, but it was really just my attempt to grasp at control. When everything had felt so out of control in my life, I had started the Archers. And as it grew, I held onto that control tightly.

I looked at Izzy. She was the only one who hadn’t spoken yet, but I knew from experience she probably had something to add. She smiled gently at me, reaching over to grab a breadstick before she spoke.

“Margaret Mead said something once. I’ve said it to you before, but I don’t know if you remember. Or if you remember, I don’t know if you heard it.” She held my gaze. “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”