Page 128 of Into Pitch

“I know, okay? I know, but this isn’t that.” I snap back.

“Then what is it?”

How do you explain loving someone like Alex without sounding unhinged?

“He sees me. All of it. The ugly parts and the parts I don’t show anyone. And he doesn’t try to sand them down or tell me they’re wrong.”

“That doesn’t make him good.”

“I didn’t say it did.”

“Sadie—”

“And I’m not good either,” I cut in. “Not in the way you want me to be. Not clean and certainly not safe.”

She flinches.

“I’ve always had teeth and I’ve just been pretending they weren’t there because it made other people more comfortable. He didn’t give them to me, Imogen. He just… he didn’t make me feel like I had to hide them.” I continue, voice shaking now.

She stares at me like she’s trying to reconcile two versions of me; the one she’s protected for years, and the one standing in front of her now.

“You’re in love with him, and I get that, but Sadie—”

“There is no but, Imogen. There is only that.” I huff.

Her shoulders slump a fraction, like the fight drains out of her all at once.

“Fuck,” she whispers.

“I know.”

She groans, dragging a hand down her face and lets out a shaky laugh. “You know what the worst part is?”

“What?”

“You don’t even have the right mind to look scared.”

I swallow and shrug. “I was. I am. But not of him.”

“Yeah, because that makes it alright.”

“Maybe it doesn’t, but it’s also true.” I explain and sit down across from her, reaching out to clasp her hands where they are in her lap.

“Does he control you?” She whispers.

“No.”

“Does he isolate you?”

“Not… exactly.”

“Does he hurt you?”

I meet her eyes. “Not without my consent.”

That earns me a dark look. “First off, gross. Second, you’re not reassuring me here.”

“I know,” I groan. “But he… he’s it for me, Imogen.”