Page 63 of Walk the Line

I told him he was welcome and I thought that might get be it for us.

None of his behaviour pointed to him texting me once we were home and I was in my room, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

So I was surprised when that’s exactly what happened. And then I was side eyeing myself for heading straight for his room.

We didn’t speak about what happened. We didn’t speak to each other at all. We simply just slipped back into the comfortability we had the last time we did this, but this time with an ending that didn’t involve him coming into my mouth. It would be pretty hard to do that with neither of us touching each other.

We fell into a pattern at the same time each day, but after the first two days he didn’t need to send the text anymore.

Now we’re on the fourth day, a few minutes into the Rom Com I chose after the Thriller I also chose. He said he likes anything the other day, and knowing that he can’t fake interest makes me believe in his few facial expressions I try not to watch, as each movie progresses.

But I just don’t know why he’s happy for me to choose every movie.

But he has to like them, he wouldn’t be here watching them with me if he didn’t.

Or maybe I should just go with the idea that makes the most sense. It’s not lost on me that, other than the very first one, these silent movie sessions started after I explicitly told Julius that I only want to know him sexually. I saw how he looked as if he had been gut punched when I said the words. I saw how earnestly his eyes matched his apology the next day. And now I’m seeing often he finds something to fixate on other than the screen. I’m seeing how my reactions get his attention more than the actual scenes on the screen, and he always looks…pleased to know that I’m finding it interesting enough to react.

I think I knew this all along. He never actually said which genres he liked, or that he was a fan of Musical Theatre. All he said was that Demetrius plays it, which is a tactic that almost got me. But it doesn’t matter who likes what, it matters that we’re here because we want to be. It matters that we’re here without having sex.

And even without the sex, it feels so good to be here.

CHAPTER TWENTY

JULIUS

I roll my eyes as my brother’s message comes through my phone.

Demetrius: Remember that time you were pretending you weren’t staring at Kaylah?

Me: I wasn’t staring at her.

Demetrius: That’s cool, cause I was thinking of asking her out.

Me: No the fuck you won’t be doing that.

Me: Leave her the fuck alone, Dee, and go focus on Savannah or whoever.

Demetrius: I think the lies you’re telling yourself are making you touchy, bro

Yeah, he got me there.

But it’s not just the lies I’m telling myself that are making me touchy.

I’m tired of letting my thoughts run. I let myself do the running this time, up the stairs all the way to Kaylah’s room.

It doesn’t take long for her to open the door after I knock, and I have to instantly steady myself to the ground like I always do whenever I see her.

“Can I come in, please?” I ask, and I watch as her features war between curiosity and confusion. I get it, we haven’t spoken in days and now I’m breaking that.

I’m thankful when she lets me in anyway.

And I don’t waste time getting straight to the point.

“You’re better than me at Hockey,” I say.

“What?”

She’s peering at me intently from her position on the edge of her bed, while I stand in front of the closed door.