Page 74 of Ruck Me Harder

Anxiety gnaws at my stomach when I think beyond next summer. It’s time to start applying to vet schools. I really don’t want to leave Boston, but if I have to… Will she come with me? That’s a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship. Especially considering how much her life will be changing without rugby in it…

I can’t borrow trouble. We’ll deal with that later, when it becomes more time sensitive. I don’t want to make it a problem before it needs to be.

Going through the retirement process with someone else, making all these big lifestyle adjustments with someone going through the exact same thing at the same time… I think it’ll make us stronger. From what my former teammates have all said, it’s not an easy process. Doing it together, I think we’ll be able to handle it. We can handle anything as long as we’re doing it together.

With Viv tucked under my arm, I introduce her to the athletes and the support staff she hasn’t met. Coach Jack greets her with a wide smile. Ross is less friendly—I’m guessing he remembers her dropping by the training facility.

There are a few guests of Team USA, people related to the team or associated with the sport.

I’m surprised when Viv greets Charlotte Kent with a happy smile. I’ve known Charlotte for years just from being involved in the highest echelon of the sport, but I didn’t realize they were friends. Then again, she was at the restaurant with that group last week.

“Congratulations,” Charlotte says with a pleased smile. She gives me a quick hug. “I thought something was up with you two the other night, but seeing you in person… I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’m happy for us too.” I press a kiss to Viv’s temple. “She’s pretty fantastic.”

Vivienne scoffs, lightly backhanding my chest, and I grab her hand and squeeze.

“You are.”

Her face flushes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I really think this new partnership is going to be good,” Charlotte continues. “Birdie is doing everything right.”

Oh. That’s their sponsor. Birdie Sportswear was hosting the dinner the other night.

“We’ll have to arrange a get together the week of the shoot,” Viv says. “I’d love to work with your She Can Fly campaign.”

Charlotte goes around the country talking about getting girls involved in sports. She’s a UNICEF ambassador, a Sports Illustrated cover model, and generally an all-around lovely person. She’s also fairly open about her history with an eating disorder. If there’s anyone Viv can lean on to navigate the post-rugby world, Charlotte would be an excellent ally.

“That would be great.” Charlotte gives her a genuine smile and my grumpy girlfriend beams.

We mingle throughout the room. Cari is deep in conversation with Brody’s girlfriend and Dylan’s boyfriend. My teammates are talking with some of the other athletes from the women’s, rhythmic, and mixed trampoline teams.

A wave of happiness settles over me. Being around all the people important to me… the only thing that would make it better would be if Al and my parents could be here, but I understand why they couldn’t make it. They’ve already texted their support and congratulations.

The job isn’t done. I’ve helped the team earn a medal, but now it’s time for me to do it on my own.

thirty-one

. . .

Viv

It absolutely kills me that I’m on a plane when Tony wins his gold medal. I’ve paid through the nose for in-flight Wi-Fi and Charlotte is live-texting me the scores, but I can’t actually be there in person. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself.

Tony insisted it didn’t matter to him. I was lucky to get three days away from the team over our weekend off. There’s still a risk I’ll face discipline for skipping practice the other day. That’s a chance I’ll have to take. Being there for his competitions whenever I can, however I can, I’ll support him.

Even if it’s on a plane ride.

When I land in Boston, my phone lights up. Alycia’s sent me photos of his medal ceremony. He joked he was an ugly crier and the pictures don’t lie; his face is red and splotchy, his eyes swollen as they place the gold medal around his neck.

I start to tear up. The pure emotion on his face overwhelms me. This is what he’s worked for all these years, and seeing it come to fruition is recognition of all the work he’s put in for the last twenty years. Even though I couldn’t be there in the moment, I feel like I’ve been there with him for this too.

The girls rib me at practice over skipping town, the coaches shake their heads, and life goes on.

Every morning, I wake up alone in my bed. I make a protein shake using Pump It Up Protein and text Tony a photo, wishing he could be there with me but knowing why he can’t. I wouldn’t want him to give up a single moment of this competition, especially knowing it will be his last. He wouldn’t want me to sacrifice my career for him, and I feel the exact same way.

It sucks to be apart. But this is the job, and there’s a finite end to it. It won’t be like this forever.