Page 25 of Fatal Fantasy

CARTER

When you’re constantly looking over your shoulder, sleep becomes a luxury you can’t afford.

Every bump in the night, squeak of a mouse, or gust of wind could be coming for you, and just when you fall victim to your body's needs, that little voice in your head jolts you awake, reminding you that you’ll never be safe.

I, for one, embraced that feeling, the nights spent staring at the stars, just begging the universe to put an end to my pain, but in true, torturous fashion, it refused to answer the calls.

Admittedly, I spent so much time wondering if Tyson and Jasper were out there somewhere, watching over me, but when I asked for a sign, nothing ever came.

There were no shooting stars, sparkles in the sky, or tiny little orbs to let me know there was something on my side, just continuous darkness that lured me further into its trap.

Except, my boys were in the shadows, waiting to rescue me, and now that they have, the word safe has crept back into my mind, allowing my eyes to close without fear of being caught off guard.

Jasper wraps his arms tighter around my mid-section, holding my head against his chest while the sounds of his breathing offer me a solace I forgot was possible.

Before I spent my nights longing for death, I enjoyed comfort in the arms of others, people who vowed to stick with me through it all, and once more, I stumble back to the place I call home.

Where I am is peaceful, blissful even, and the weight of the last few months suddenly lands on my back, causing an exhaustion to settle deep into my bones, mingling with the tissue and marrow that make up a person’s frame.

I’ve never been this tired, but I let myself go, embracing sleep with a softness I thought was lost forever.

“Sleep tight, my little Angel of Death,” Jasper whispers, pressing a kiss on the top of my head that only expands my bubble of safety.

Welcoming the silence, my brain shuts off as my body allows itself to get the rest we’ve needed, falling into the comfort provided by Jasper.

All my life, I never thought I needed anyone, always content being fiercely independent and more than capable, but being cared for by not one, but two men who’d burn the world down for you is a feeling I dearly missed.

A loud voice rings through my subconscious, yanking me from the silence and sending thick ropes of panic shooting through my veins, inciting a deep terror that feels inescapable.

“No! You can’t … no!” I scream, the voice moving closer, sounding angrier as I look around, desperate for a way out.

Instinctively, I try to run but my arms and legs are tied, pinned in place while the familiar noise I recognize as running water rings in my ears.

“Please! Not the hose!” I beg, but the dark figure looming above me places the washcloth over my face, and I struggle under the weight of my biggest fears coming to life.

“They can’t have you. You need to come home, Duchess.” I hear the final words spoken but before I can reply, the water begins to drown me, my lungs working overtime as I choke on the cool liquid running from my hair, down to my chin.

Let me free.

Let me drown.

Let me go.

Let me die.

“Carter! Carter, come back to me!” My eyes snap open as my body violently shakes, and I don’t look to find the source, swinging my arms in defense as I fight off whoever is touching my skin.

“It’s me, Principessina. It’s Jasper,” he says, and I slowly recognize the voice, matching it to the face staring back at me, my breathing returning to normal as safety quite literally wraps its arms around me.

“Jasper? I’m sorry, I think I was having a nightmare,” I breathe, staring into his icy silver irises while my heart rate begins to slow.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m here, I’ve got you,” he whispers, tucking my head back into his chest, while tears involuntarily slip down my cheeks.

Being vulnerable, showing sides of myself that I’d rather keep hidden, is not something I’ve ever been good with, but now, these secrets aren’t dangerous, they’re just shameful.

After the nightmare, and the slew of information I gave up earlier, I couldn’t possibly feel any lower, so rather than drown in my fears and sorrows, I lean on the person who’s strong enough to hold me up.

“I don’t sleep very often,” I confess, untangling myself from Jasper’s arms until we’re sitting face to face.