Page 31 of Beautiful Disaster

“If you want, you can fuck me. Will that help you? Will you feel a little more in control that way?”

Jinx is completely unfazed by my suggestion. Maybe he’s hiding it, but I expected a little bit of a surprise for some reason. “I’ve fucked plenty. I’ve had a lot of sex for the past two years. That’s not what I need. What I need is to have a man inside me, willingly… on my end. I want to actually enjoy it for once.” He shoves his plate away and stares at his folded hands on the table. “I want… what Julien and Aleks have. They’re both… they’re like me, but they’re so free with sex. So trusting.”

“Are you sure?”

He gives me a curt nod. “We haven’t known each other long, Mason, but I’m a quick learner. I know you expect full honesty and transparency, along with my obedience. It’s all going to be a challenge for me, but I really want this. If I want it to work, I have to be. You have to be. I get that, and I trust you enough to do it. I hold myself back from everyone. Everyone. There are lots of reasons for that. I’m ready for something different. I think…” He sighs heavily, but he doesn’t finish.

“You think…” I hedge.

“I think I need to be cracked wide open, letting everything spill out of me. I really believe you’re the one who can help me do that.”

My gut clenches and my body sags. Jesus. I’m in fucking awe. And impressed. “Everything you do and say is about your need for power, isn’t it? Here you are, choosing to trust me to have dominance over you. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? How honored I am right now? I’m not going to lie either; it’s a little scary for me. Not just from what happened with my last partner, but also because expectations are very high. I don’t want to fail you.”

Jinx stands, walks over to me, and straddles my lap. His arms rest on my shoulders, and his eyes stay on mine. “It’s like you said, we just need to be honest and open, right?”

This weekend has been grueling. It was heavy and so full of details about Jinx. I’m nervous about taking him on, but I don’t regret choosing him. I chose right. He’s going to be my perfect partner. I can feel it.

“You’re exactly right. But I have one more stipulation before we begin.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to make love to you first. I insist. Then, when you leave, we’ll begin with some small things while you’re away.”

He grins crookedly. “Is that an order, Daddy?”

I place my hand on his neck and pull him close, our lips a breath away. “Yes.”

He’s the first to lean in those last two inches and kiss me, but I control the show. I swipe my tongue across his mouth, and he instantly opens, allowing my tongue to consume him. Jinx fingers and tugs on my hair, tilting his head as we deepen the kiss. We suck, nibble, and lick. He’s a fantastic kisser.

When we finally pull away, I rest my head on his. “Now, go on up to my shower and get yourself cleaned up.”

“Yessir.”

On the outside, I appear as nonchalant as Jinx can be. On the inside, my nerves are rioting. In those eight years of not having a sub, I haven’t had sex either.

He just got out of the shower and is lying on his back, looking up at me with wide, blue eyes, gnawing on his bottom lip.

I sit next to him on my side, resting on my elbow, as I finger back his wet hair. “I haven’t had sex in a long time, just to be clear. But I think we should get tested before we have sex without condoms.”

“Yeah, okay. It’s been a while for you, huh?”

“Yes. It’s by design.”

“Are you going to tell me all of it one day?”

“I will.”

Jinx fingers the blankets beneath him as if to keep his hands from reaching for me. “Can you kiss me again?” he asks so sweetly.

I graze the backs of my fingers across his cheek and smile at him. “Of course.”

As I lean down to press my lips to his, he whispers. “I’m fucking nervous right now.”

His vulnerability, once again, puts me in awe. The amount of trust he’s handing to me leaves me with a profound sense of respect and amazement. All that bravado is gone. He’s completely open to me, but it comes with an unexpected softness and shyness, which isn’t like him at all. What I don’t like is his reverting to a more childlike state. It’s fucking concerning.

“I’m nervous, too, my pet.”

“You are?”