Page 4 of Beautiful Disaster

“Stop forcing it,” Julien adds.

“Do you feel better?” Aleks asks.

I nod so that he’ll feel better. He’s a lot more sensitive than I am. See? Why couldn’t I do that with Gwen?

“I’m glad, Jinx. You’re so special. It will definitely happen for you.”

He stands and returns to cooking.

I don’t feel fucking special. Not one bit.

“How about a distraction?” Julien slides a business credit card across the counter. “Would you mind taking the truck and going to the feed store? I’ve ordered everything already. You just need to pick it up. The horses and cattle need some things before the first snow hits this weekend.”

“I thought Foxy was supposed to run the errands.” Foxy and Tink came to us this past summer. There were other boys whom Tito bought and used. They escaped when Tito died, but since we kept in touch, they finally called me for help to get out of LA. Julien and Aleks drove to get them and brought them home.

Yep, Julien and Aleks are amazing men. Better than I’ll ever be.

“Foxy and Tink are cleaning out the horses’ stalls.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Chin up, Jinx. You’re only nineteen. You’re still young.”

“Ugh, thanks for reminding me. I feel like I’m forty-nine.”

Julien chuckles again as I take the card and shove it into my wallet. I leave the kitchen with plans to eat out instead.

Chapter 2

Jinx

After having lunch at my favorite sandwich shop, I head into the feed store and walk toward the counter. I stand behind a taller man, dressed in a black coat and dark wash jeans, ordering some shit. As I wait, I drag the scarf off my neck and remove my hat. Next goes my coat, the blasting heaters making me sweat.

I’m scrolling on my phone, going through my socials, and reluctantly removing all the images of Gwen and me from my Instagram. My gut clenches with disappointment. Because I always remove all traces of my past girlfriends, it’s as if I have no life at all. I only have a few images of me on the ranch with Waffle. There are a few pics with my brothers, my family that I live with, but not enough.

I swear something’s wrong with me. Gwen calling me ‘emotionally stunted’ hangs heavily on my mind. I mean, Romeo and Julien were hurt as much as I was, and they fawn over each other. They’re happy. You can feel their love. They don’t appear to struggle with their emotions at all. In fact, they seem to embrace them.

My therapist says it’s another protective mechanism that keeps me away from meaningful relationships. It’s fucking annoying, is what it is. Sure, she gave me ways to cope, but if you can’t feel it, how can you act on it? Performing affection always fails because it’s not coming from a real place in my soul.

I make a mental note to make an appointment when I get home, even though I don’t want to. I’m fucking tired of therapy. Sometimes, it feels like I get nowhere with it.

“You can have the hay delivered by Saturday?” the man asks, pulling my attention to him. He’s got a nice, deep, and smooth voice, though he doesn’t sound like he’s from around here.

“We’re expecting the snow to come that morning, but we’ll do our best,” Albert, the owner of the store, replies.

“But my horses need the hay before it hits.”

“As I said, we’ll do our best.”

I look at the back of the man’s head, full of thick, dark brown waves threaded with a few grays. It’s nice hair, but I roll my eyes at him. His nice hair won’t save his horses from the snow. He’s an idiot for not preparing for the weather earlier. We already have all the hay we’ll need for most of the winter at the ranch.

“I guess I don’t have a choice. I would’ve ordered some earlier, but the man who runs my stables is out having emergency surgery, and I’m scrambling to get everything situated.”

Albert tsks, but there isn’t much he can do. “I’ll reach out to you as soon as we’re headed your way.”

“Thanks, Albert. At least you’ve got everything else I need. I’ll just have to make do.”

Huh, at least he’s cool about it. Most ranch owners around here are super wealthy and unpleasant, except for Julien. He can do no wrong in my eyes.