Page 190 of Saving Forever with the Hockey Captain

The apartment, thankfully, offers no advice. I crumple the paper and toss it toward the recycling bin. I miss. Somehow that feels appropriate.

I make tea, forget about it.

Find the mug twenty minutes later, completely cold.

I pour another cup.

This time I remember to drink it.

Halfway through, my eyes wander toward the calendar hanging beside the refrigerator.

Ten days. Only ten little squares remain before the date I'd circled months ago without giving it another thought. Back then, it had simply been another milestone.

Finish this rotation. Graduate. Start my career. Every step had been neatly mapped out, and I'd never questioned where it was leading.

Now nothing feels orderly anymore.

***

My phone buzzes just after dinner.

Mom

For one foolish second, I consider letting it go to voicemail. But I haven’t talked with her in a while, and she always seems to help make things better.

So, I answer.

"Hi, sweetheart." Her voice wraps around me the way it always has. Warm. Steady. Safe.

"Hi, Mom."

"You sound tired."

I smile despite myself. "I'm fine."

"Mmm." No one says mmm with quite so much skepticism.

"What happened?"

I sink onto the sofa and pull a blanket across my lap.

"I got my final placement."

"Oh!"

She sounds genuinely excited.

"Where?"

"Boise."

Silence.

Then...

"Oh."

Apparently, geography can carry emotion after all. "When do you leave?"