Page 266 of Saving Forever with the Hockey Captain

I can't decide whether he'll forgive me.

I can't decide whether he'll still want a future with me.

Those choices belong to him.

Mine is much simpler. Tell him the truth.

The closer I get to Briar Cove, the steadier my heartbeat becomes.

Not calmer.

Stronger.

By late afternoon, familiar roads begin replacing unfamiliar highways.

I pass the old diner where Jamie insisted the pie was worth the detour.

Then the overlook where we watched the first snowfall, and the little coffee shop where he remembered my order before I realized he'd been paying attention.

Every memory reminds me of the same thing.

I never stopped loving him. I only stopped believing I deserved to.

***

It’s late afternoon when the welcome sign for Briar Cove appears around the next bend.

Home.

I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. Maybe Coach was right. Maybe healing isn't about pretending you're fearless.

Maybe it's about moving forward anyway.

My heartbeat has become wonderfully, terrifyingly unsteady.

I still don't know what Jamie is going to say.

I don't know whether he'll forgive me.

I don't even know if he'll open the door.

For one frightening moment, I consider driving to Mom's house first.

Sleeping.

Thinking.

Waiting until morning.

My hands tighten around the steering wheel.

No!

I've spent eight weeks waiting.

Eight weeks wondering.

Eight weeks letting fear make my decisions.