Page 18 of Bitterness of Spirit

She wrote three letters: to Jane, to her aunt, and to her father then ventured out for a walk. For an hour, her steps took her along lovely paths under green, lively trees caressed by the spring sunshine.

Elizabeth returned rather unwillingly, unhappy at the thought of having to listen to the details of her friend’s visit, and gathered her patience to endure the daunting task.

She reached the path that separated the parsonage from Rosings Park, where a small grove with appealing shadows and brightly coloured flowers invited her to walk down the narrow lane. She breathed deeply, looking up at the sunlight breaking through the thick, leafy canopy, when her attention was captured by a movement in the grass. Someone had been lying down and hastily rose; when their eyes met, the surprise and embarrassment were mutual.

“Miss de Bourgh? Are you unwell?”

Lady Catherine’s daughter looked flushed and distressed; her hair and clothes were in some disorder as she had been resting on a small blanket on the ground.

“No…I am well…Miss Bennet…I did not expect to see anyone here, at this time.”

The young woman hurried to her feet so quickly that she almost fell. Elizabeth clutched her arm to render support.

“No, I am not hurt. I just took a short stroll. It is such a lovely day. Are you alone, Miss Bennet?”

“Yes. My friends are visiting in the parish, and I took the opportunity for a short walk. The gardens are just beautiful.”

“Indeed…”

“Miss de Bourgh, are you alone too?”

“I am…the others are resting. I enjoy the solitude from time to time…”

“I see…I shall leave you then. I apologise for disturbing you.”

“You may stay, Miss Bennet. I was doing nothing of consequence.”

Elizabeth was uncertain of how to proceed. Anne did not look harmed, but she appeared slightly distressed. Her cheeks had more colour than the last time they met, and her fingers were holding a few blades of grass. Near her was a small, dark bottle that seemed to have been used.

“You should sit, Miss Bennet; we do not want you to be seen from the house.”

Elizabeth obeyed without much thought.

“I do not have Mother’s permission to walk by myself. She believes I am not strong and it is not safe to leave the house alone,” Anne explained.

“She is worried for your wellbeing as any mother should be,” Elizabeth offered.

“I know. Unfortunately, I am weak and sick. I have been like this my entire life.” Anne appeared absent-minded as she spoke.

“It is good to take care of yourself then,” Elizabeth answered hesitantly. How could she reply to such a statement?

“Yes. But everything is so silent, so boring, so slow…like there is no life at all. Even the grass is more alive than I am.”

Elizabeth listened, dumbfounded. She was not prepared for such a conversation and tried to bring some cheer to the discussion. “I heard your cousins will arrive soon. I am sure they are pleasant company.”

“They are only coming because they have to. I barely speak to them at all. My cousin always demands music, laughter, companionship, parties…but of course, mama would never agree to it.”

“Mr. Darcy?”

“No, not Fitzwilliam. Richard. Fitzwilliam is more like me. I have never heard him laugh, you know. But perhaps he is just displeased that he has to visit us every year. I know he would rather be anywhere else.”

“I am sure both your cousins enjoy visiting you. I understand they even decided to come earlier this year. They must be eager to see you.”

“Or they are eager to come and leave sooner. Only Mother says otherwise. I know I shall never marry my cousin. He has never agreed to it, and he never will. He is only reluctant to contradict my mother. Who would want such a wife? I shall never be able to provide an heir, nor am I able to run a household. I am just useless. I might not even live long enough to marry.”

“Miss de Bourgh, I am sure you distress yourself too much. I can see you are troubled. May I accompany you back home?”

“Oh no, Mother would be very upset if she found that I walked out alone, but she would be furious if she sees me with you. She does not want me in the company of strangers or anyone outside the family.”