Page 22 of Cruz

“I—I’ve been thinking it out. You know how important I think that college is, but it’s not everything. If that’s not what you want to do, I’m not going to force you. If you love working at a garage, then do that. But I’d really like it if you’d do some research or talk to someone about getting certified. Become a journeyman mechanic, maybe. It’s just that, you were so good at school. I had dreams of you going to college for so long, but I do see that those are my dreams, not yours. I know that this is your life, and you don’t have to worry about pleasing me, but if you would take some courses of some kind, I’d be able to take a breath. That’s it. That’s the end of my rant, or monologue, or philosophy.”

This is one of those private moments again, but Sloane hasn’t forgotten that I’m here. She gives me a small smile, as though she’s no longer pissed that I’m a sort of essential overgrown babysitter. I wonder if I’ve graduated to Liam’s older friend, and if she’s looking to me to encourage Liam not to make dumbass decisions.

Liam has this starstruck expression on his face. He looks so much like Sloane when his face goes soft like that. He knows how lucky he is, but more than that, he’s in the unique position of being seen, understood, and loved unequivocally.

I don’t want to be jealous of Liam. I don’t often long for things that I might have had and never will, but there’s so much of it in my chest that I think it might burst. My heart is dangerously close to either going completely mushy or palpitating me straight into cardiac arrest. I’m not sure which it is yet. Neither feels overly good.

“I know how hard you worked to save money for me to afford school.” Liam actually flicks a meatball and it arcs through the air and lands right on Sloane’s plate, as though they’ve done this countless times. “I’ll look into it. Thanks for understanding, and if the guys say it’s okay, of course you can come see where I work. Cruz? Do you think they’d be okay with that?”

I shrug and get my phone out.

“Right. You’ll text them and let me know. Sounds good.”

Sloane stabs the errant meatball with the red sauce on it and shoves it back onto Liam’s plate. I guess she really isn’t a red sauce fan.

I dig in, distracting myself by stuffing my mouth. It’s good and I’m starving, but my mind keeps whirring.

I never knew what it was like, to be a part of something ancient, a connection that was maybe just always there. The fact that all this happened and I met Sloane… maybe that means something. Maybe it’s evidence for some kind of fate. Maybe it was just for me to witness the bond she and Liam share. I never had that growing up, and even in the SEALs, I didn’t feel that connection with others.

I’m just happy to be here, having dinner. I’m glad that everyone is okay. It makes me feel less tense that Sloane isn’t as keyed up and angry. It would be fine if she hated me, but Liam is my friend, and even if we’re an odd sort of friendship and brotherhood, it hurt to see him uncertain and hurting. He’d be the first to admit that he’s totally a mama’s boy, and now that I’ve met Sloane, I get it. I think anyone would. Anyone would want that sort of love in their life too.

I’m not unaffected, though I’m on the outside looking in.

Dinner is pretty quiet after that. Liam practically licks his plate clean and goes for seconds. He offers me some, and I don’t decline. He smirks at me, as though I’m all in on the food poisoning. After, Liam offers to do dishes, but Sloane reminds him that the cook never cleans.

That’s news to me. My dad wouldn’t have been caught dead in the kitchen. If he ever washed a dish in his life, it would shock me.

“I think I’m gonna go to my room and play some games,” Liam says. “I know it’s a messed up time, but I think I need that to relax. Do you want to join?”

I shake my head and eye the door. I’m not a big gamer anyway, but it’s more important that I do my job than that I relax.

“You don’t have to stay up all night. Let me at least take a shift or turn your phone up so that you get notifications. Haunting the place is gonna turn you into a real ghost. Don’t give me the that time in the SEALs look either. I don’t care how many hours you stayed awake in the military. That’s not cool. Let me help out.”

It’s hard for me to let other people have control, especially when it’s over something that’s so serious, but Liam’s right.

“I’ll take the first shift tonight, and we’ll see. Maybe I’ll trust that Wizard’s security is good enough.”

“That doesn’t sound like a maybe.”

“Maybe.”

He huffs and heads to his room and tosses a few words over his shoulder. “If you change your mind about gaming, come join me. We can find something you like.”

“That would be boardgames only.”

“I don’t know anyone who hates videogames. What did you do when you were a kid?”

“I’m a thousand years old. I played outside in the dirt.”

Liam’s laughter echoes through the apartment. Sloane is already at the sink, stacking dishes and rinsing pots, getting ready to wash up. Their kitchen is L-shaped, with a row of cabinets on one end with the sink in between, and the stove and fridge on the other side. The window is right above the sink. I’m not a fan.

“Can I do that for you?”

Sloane wants to protest, but she surprises me by making room at the sink. She starts wiping down the stove, which looks like a disaster zone, and lets me take over at the sink.

I wash dishes like I do everything else. Methodical and precise. It’s almost relaxing. Scrubbing the dishes in a rhythmic pattern under the water gives me time to scan outside. The street isn’t all that busy in the evening, which is probably why Sloane closes the café down at six every night.

“Did Liam ever tell you how much he wanted a cat?” Sloane’s voice is sweet and light. Maybe even a little bit teasing, as though daring me to answer her.