Page 48 of Mia

“This is a horrible question, but how are you?” Steel asked.

“I’m here, man.” I stared at Eden’s crypt, shaking my head. “It’s crazy how much I miss her, and she wasn’t even here.”

“You’re her father⁠—”

“Was her father.”

“Nah, man. You’re still her father. You loved her without knowing her. You mourn her loss. You get to miss her without rhyme or reason because she’s yours. She may not be here in the physical sense, but Eden was your baby. Now she’s your angel.”

I hung my head. “Shit’s fucking me up, man. Then your sister ain’t making it any better. Talking about she wants a divorce and shit.”

“Can I keep it a buck with you?”

“I respect honesty.”

“The two of you never should have gotten married. I’m not saying that to be harsh, but given y’all’s track history, y’all were doomed from the start. You got married on a whim and in secret. All you two do most of the time is fight. Y’all really wanted to bring that unstable shit into a marriage?”

“We ain’t perfect. I know that shit. But I love your sister.”

“Sometimes love ain’t enough. You can love something, and it not be good for you.”

“You know how you’ve loved Neha across all space and time? How you still loved her enough to forgive her for keeping your child away from you? That’s how much I love your sister. I’ve loved her since we were kids and was too stupid to act like it. I keep telling myself that if I hadn’t been such an ass to her for so many years, maybe we could’ve built something that wasn’t rooted in toxicity.

“But I’ve been trying, Kerrion. Trying to be a better man. Trying to be a good husband. Mia is difficult. She’s stubborn. She wants shit to go her way. That mouth is reckless. The crazy thing is, the shit I complain about is the shit I love about her. She’s one of the strongest women I know. I love that she’s a challenge because I don’t need a woman that’s a pushover. I need her to give me my shit right back.”

Kerrion sighed. “The problem is y’all be overdoing it. Sometimes, I feel like you like getting a rise out of her, dude. Mia has her faults, but that’s my sister and I don’t like that shit. If you want to be together, y’all have to respect each other above everything else. Not just in front of people, but behind closed doors. The way y’all talk to each other is a lot of the problem, bruh. Both of you have a lot of growing up to do.”

I nodded. I couldn’t do anything but respect what he was saying because he was right.

“I hear you, man,” I said, bouncing KJ. “I don’t wanna be like that with her, especially now. I just wanna love my wife and avenge my daughter. We have to get right before we take care of this shit. At least get to a point where every conversation ain’t an argument or a screaming match.”

“If you want it bad enough, make it happen. Love ain’t easy, trust me. Saying I love you might be, but being in love and staying in love is a full-time job. Take that from a man that still struggles with not being bitter with the woman I love for keeping my child from me.”

“How are you handling that?”

“I started therapy. Life beat my ass the last year and some change. You know we don’t put too many people in our business, but I had to talk to somebody. A weaker man would have broken. I can admit that I cracked, but I didn’t break. I know this shit feels like it might break you and Mia; it will if you let it.”

“She’s going through the stages of grief right now. She doesn’t wanna hear shit.”

“Keep talking. Be consistent. Be present, but don’t minimize your grief either. Both of you lost a child. Both of you have to feel that. Just don’t let the grief consume you. Work through it, don’t let it work you.”

He reached for his son and stood to his feet.

“We gotta get going. We’re having lunch with Nayelli today. Take your time out here. Sometimes, talking to the dead is all the peace you need.”

He slapped my hand and started back to his car. I stared at my daughter’s crypt for a long time before reaching out and touching it.

“Hey baby girl… daddy just needs you to listen right now.”

Maybe Kerrion was right. Maybe talking to the dead was all the peace you needed when all you wanted was someone to listen.

Igroaned at the sound of my front door opening.

At some point, I needed to change the locks. I was exhausted and mentally depleted. I hadn’t slept in days. My stomach was touching my back, and I had a flight of emotions. I was tired of people coming to my house. I was tired of them pushing to get me out of bed or to talk about my feelings. I just wanted to be left alone because I physically couldn’t make myself do anything but lie here.

I heard two sets of footsteps coming up the stairs. Pulling the covers up over my head, I tried to sink further into the bed. If only I could just disappear. The footsteps got closer, and the next thing I knew, the covers were being yanked off.

“Go away,” I said, putting the pillow over my head.