Page 55 of Senior

He took a seat next to me. The moment he wrapped his arms around me, I broke again.

“He’s not supposed to be gone, Stanley!” I wailed. “He’s supposed to still be here!”

“I know, Steph. It’s fucked up.”

“It’s not fair! I didn’t have him long enough. We had so many plans… so much life to live and now he’s gone!”

I must have cried for thirty minutes straight. He sat with me, rubbing my back and holding me tightly. When the tears subsided enough, my eyes were puffy as hell. Stanley removed himself from me and went into my bathroom. He came back out with a wet rag and maneuvered me onto my back before placing it on my eyes.

Grabbing my hand, he stroked it gently.

“I know this is probably the worst pain you’ve ever experienced but you’re gonna be okay, Steph. Aaron was a good man. He loved you with his entire heart. You’ll carry that love with you for the rest of your life. No matter who you encounter or where you go, you a part of him.”

“I feel so empty.”

“That’s normal. You lost someone you shared a home and life with. It’s gonna be a long time before you feel whole again, but you’ll get there, love. You don’t have to put on a brave face and go through this alone. Grief will get you down. Sometimes, it feels like it’s gonna take you out this bitch.”

“At this point I can go⁠—”

“Don’t say that shit, man.”

I snatched the rag from my eyes and sat up, looking at him. “I miss my husband. I kept walking around this house expecting to hear him call my name or wrap his arms around me. I’m waiting on the usual calls or texts from him when he’s at work. I wake up in the morning, cook breakfast, and make a full plate for a man that isn’t here to sit in the seat across from me and enjoy it. Stanley… I’ve called his name and gotten mad because I thought he was ignoring me, but he’s not. He’s dead… he’s fucking dead.”

I dropped my head and broke into tears again. Stanley pulled me into his arms and rocked me.

“I want him back…” I wailed. “Please, give him back!”

He held me tighter and kissed my head.

“I wish I could take this shit from you, Steph. I swear I do. I know it feels cruel. It’s gonna hurt like a muthafucka for a long time, but you gotta hold on. You gotta push through. It might feel impossible, but you have to. Grieve as long as you need to and however you need to. Feel it, sit with it, work through it, but don’t let it consume you. I know life feels like it may have ended, but you have so much to live for. You have Deuce, Darlyn, and Liam. Salima loves you like a second mother. The rest of the kids need their Auntie Steph. Mama needs her favorite girl,” he added with a chuckle, in reference to his mother. “I need my best friend… Aaron wouldn’t want you like this, love.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. “I don’t have it in me to do anything.”

“Then let the people that love you take care of you until you can take care of yourself.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

He sat me up and cupped my face. “You are never a burden, love. You are one of the most selfless people I know, and you have a family behind you that’s ten toes down. Tell me what you need?”

I sniffled. “I haven’t eaten today.”

“At all?”

I shook my head. “And I need a shower.”

“How about I run you a bath and while you soak, I’ll make you something to eat?”

“Okay.”

He kissed my forehead and stood from the bed, heading toward my bathroom.

“Stanley?” I called.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you… for being here.”

“I’m always a phone call away. I’ll always come for you, Tavia, Allison, or Maddie. I love you. We’re gonna get through this one day at a time.”