Page 73 of Break Out

“Yeah, us, Aubs. You know I want there to be an us after this trip is over. I thought you did too.” I drop to the couch and reach for her. She draws away from me.

What’s that about?

“I thought we’d agreed to be real while we were here and figure everything else out after the trip ends,” Aubrey says, studying her hands.

“We did.” I slowly shake my head. “But I’m still going to want there to be an us.” I stare at her, willing her to look at me.

“But the Storm want you back now. You have to take it,” she says, picking at her fingernails.

“No, I don’t.” Why isn’t she getting it?

“I can’t talk about this with you now,” she whispers, finally peeking up at me. “There’s too much going on with the wedding.”

Before I can answer, there’s a knock at the door.

“That’s probably room service. I’ll get it.” She all but sprints for the door and pulls it open.

I rake a hand through my hair, sighing in frustration as I get to my feet to serve myself breakfast. I understand her not wanting to talk about it now, so I won’t push. But we’re going to talk about it. She needs to understand that if I have to pick between my career and her, I’ll pick her. A million times over.

I can’t lose her.

I refuse.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve shared such a small space with another person for a week, pretending to be in a relationship, or maybe it’s the fact that there’s a wedding happening today, but I’ve come to realize I want that too. I want a partner. Someone to go through the rest of my life with. Someone to share the ups and downs with. I want her. I only hope Aubrey wants that too.

“Brody. Earth to Brody,” Aubrey says from next to me.

“Sorry, I got lost in thought.”

“I know. I could tell.” She studies me for a moment before asking, “want to talk about it?”

I heave out a breath. Do I want to talk about it now? I mean, I want to, but will Aubrey be receptive to what I have to say, or will she immediately shut it down? She already told me she didn’t want to talk about us until after this trip so maybe I shouldn’t say anything.

But I can’t help myself, so I say, “thinking about everything going on recently. Caleb and Cole both starting families. Getting older.” I lift a shoulder in a shrug before taking a bite of scrambled eggs.

Aubrey is quiet for a few seconds before saying, “I think about that too. The getting older part. Definitely feeling the aches and pains now more than I used to in my twenties. Don’t even get me started on how many times I’ve woken up with back pain from sleeping wrong. Or sneezing and hurting my neck. Getting old sucks.”

I let out a bark of laughter. “My recovery time isn’t what it used to be, that’s for sure. Takes me way longer to get over hits that I would have shaken off in a day or two before. Makes me wonder if it’s time to hang up my skates. Maybe not for good, just professionally.”

“You’ve still got a lot of years left in you. Didn’t Gretzky skate until he was thirty-eight?” I nod. “You’ve still got years of your career ahead of you.”

“True. But I wonder if I’m going to shorten my overall lifespan by five, ten years because I play another three years and end up needing hip surgery? Or break my back? Or take a hit to the head that affects my memory?” I stare down at my empty plate, unable to look Aubrey in the eyes because I don’t know what I’ll see there.

“I don’t know, Brod. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t think anyone does.”

“I know.” I finally meet her gaze. “Sorry to bring the mood down.”

She tilts her head, watching me. “Do you regret still being single? Not having kids or a family?”

“Regret? No.” I shake my head. “Hockey has been my life for so many years that I don’t think I could have given a partner the attention she deserved.”

“And now?” she whispers, her gaze dropping to the floor.

“Now, I could. I’ve lived my dreams. I’ve gotten to hoist the Cup. Multiple times. This past season, it started to feel like my time on the ice is coming to a close. That this chapter of my life is ending, and it’s time to start a new one.” My heart beats wildly at that admission. I want to say ‘because I finally understand what it means to be in love. Because I love you. I’ve always loved you.’

The air whooshes out of my lungs as that realization hits me. I study Aubrey, willing her to look up at me. Hoping she’ll see the love that I know is written on my face. I feel like a part of me is unlocked now that I’ve finally acknowledged, although not out loud, that I’m in love with her. That she’s the one I want. I want to tell her. Heck, I want to scream it from the rooftops, but judging from the way she still hasn’t met my gaze, I’d say she’s not ready to hear it.

We’re interrupted by the ringing of her phone, and she snatches it up, answering it with a hurried hello. Her expression changes, and she gets to her feet and paces the room as she nods at whatever is being said on the other end.