Page 107 of The Fall Affair

She shook her head. “That’s the difference between you and me. You think I won’t shrivel up and die if I don’t follow my heart.”

“I just think maybe you could follow it a little closer to home. I looked it up. There are some retreats here in Tuscany that teach meditation. You stay overnight, like in Rishikesh, and do sunrise breathing and reflection classes and stuff. One is even taught by a guy from India who learned there.”

“Why does it matter if I go to a retreat here or in India? Either way I’ll be gone.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Her voice softened. “You’re not saying what you want to say, Matteo.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re saying everything but what you mean.”

I looked away. I didn’t want to be an anchor that dragged behind her when she wanted to fly. I didn’t want to be the needy one. The insecure one. What I wanted was for her to need me like I needed her.

“It feels like it’s easy for you to walk away.”

Her face fell, just a little. “I love you. But I can’t stop doing what I need to do because me standing still makes you feel safer.”

***

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” I asked.

Izzy had been back from India for nearly a week, but something felt…off. Like right now, when she was standing at the window, staring out at nothing.

She turned and walked over to me, setting her hands on my chest. “I’ve just learned to be comfortable in my silence, that’s all. It has nothing to do with you. Stop reading into things that aren’t there.”

I slipped my arms around her and locked my hands behind her back. “I like it better when you’re not silent, like an hour ago, when you were underneath me.”

Her lips curved. “I liked that, too.” Her eyes sparkled as she looked up at me, and for a moment, I felt that old familiar twist in my belly. I’d missed that. I’d missed her. Izzy had only been back a few days, but it felt like part of her was still there. She was quieter than usual, more reflective. I wanted to believe it was only leftover jet lag or some afterglow from the retreat. But sometimes she felt distant, almost like she’d rather be somewhere else.

I pressed a kiss to her lips. “Let’s have dinner, just da two of us tonight. I’ll cook for us.”

My parents had been very generous since Izzy and I moved into their casetta a few years ago—a tiny stone house on their property that they’d only ever used for storage. But I worked at their winery, and we ate dinner with them most nights, and I didn’t want Izzy to feel overwhelmed.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about,” I continued.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about a little adventure of my own.”

She smiled. “I’m intrigued, Mr. Lucchese.”

“What time are you teaching class today?” I asked.

“Not until one.”

“I have to get out to da field. My dad saw some thrips on the vines, so he wants to set sticky traps to catch as many as possible. Harvest is almost here, and spraying would ruin the grapes.”

When she nodded, I pulled my boots on and headed out. After setting the first few traps, I realized I needed my gloves to keep the sticky goo off my fingers. As I opened the back door, I heard Izzy’s voice. It sounded like she was on the phone.

“Izzy?”

Silence.

I went to the bedroom and found her staring out the window.

She turned with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Oh. You startled me.”