Page 2 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

“Don’t—AHHH!”

* * *

Hours later, my pod hovered above the pinnacle overlooking the settlement labeled only as “Dustbowl.” Blistering heat had me dialing up the AC to full blast. I fluffed my feathers to allow the cold air to reach my skin and activated the transmitter. The Sankado who led this group was even more hulking than the last; he didn’t look any friendlier either.

“As you well know,” I continued, the speech resuming seamlessly after days of practice. “Your previous planet has been destroyed due to Voxen contamination. The company responsible, Fuel X, has been ordered to take full responsibility in ensuring the repopulation of your species. To rectify their mistake, the BCI was enlisted to terraform this new planet to provide everything your species needs to survive and thrive. We understand that your species’ females did not survive the planet transfer, and naturally, your species cannot continue without them. For the past few years, we have been searching tirelessly for a suitable replacement, and it is my pleasure to inform you that we have succeeded!”

High winds howled against the pod’s hull. The endless grasslands did nothing to curb their strength, and I had to kill the hover feature just to keep the pod from sliding off the hill. “They are being delivered to a secluded enclosure here on this planet in one month’s time,” I continued. “The females will be given a ten-day period to adjust to their new environment. When those ten days are up, we will move on to the next step in the repopulation program and release the females into your environment.”

Subject H 4 scratched at his beard as he leaned against the grazing stegosaurus. He and the band of Roamers he led were the first encounter I had that didn’t start off with threats of violence.

When none of them made any move to change that, I continued. “To ensure a harmonious and effective introduction, we request that each group dispatch their fittest and most desirable males to Meet-Cute Valley. The coordinates are Y-4, X.5. Meet-Cute Valley will serve as a buffer zone to host the initial interactions between males and the incoming females. Rest assured that the overseers will not interfere in the initial courtship process. We believe that further interference would be a hindrance to your race. Males should be present in Meet-Cute Valley within five days of the release date to acclimate before the arrival of the females. The BCI remains committed to providing ongoing support throughout this transition. Thank you for your cooperation. Goodbye.”

* * *

The Pink Basin stretched out below, vibrant pink blossoms covered the trees. Nestled at the edge of the grove was the largest Sankado settlement I’d seen yet. Wooden huts clustered around the human enrichment building this group had converted into a fortress. Surrounding the settlement was a gored and battered wooden fence, its stakes splintered and scarred by past assaults.

This settlement was the last on my list, and the wall’s gored state did nothing to soothe my nerves. My com reader said that this group was led by Subject S 52. Before making my descent, I pulled up his file to see if it had any information on how to approach. Subject S 52’s face appeared on-screen with the following message.

Subject S 52

WARNING: HIGH-RISK INDIVIDUAL

Current leader of the Pink Basin settlement

THREAT LEVEL: Extreme

KNOWN FOR: Execution of previous research envoys, high territorial aggression, frequent conflict with neighboring clans

ADVISORY: In-person missions strongly discouraged. Engage at your own peril.

Rage chipped my beak. “Oh, of course they send the expendable intern to the most dangerous settlements!”

I cut the screen and banged my head against the steering wheel. “Zorblax, I don’t get paid enough for this.”

I don’t get paid at all, but that’s beside the point.

The pod’s engine sputtered as I maneuvered close to the settlement, skimming the treetops for any signs of nonhostile life. Two large males were duking it out in the clearing in the middle of the settlement while surrounding Sankado cheered them on. Not a good sign. The battered wooden fence came into sharper view, its stakes darkened with what was most likely old blood.

I hovered a safe distance away, debating my approach. Landing inside the wall during their punching party seemed like an invitation to be skewered. Apparently with Subject S 52 at the helm, that wasn’t hyperbole. My crest flattened nervously as I peered through the window.

“Maybe I should just quit. There’re other jobs out there, surely.” Outside of my training, of course. The bitter truth was, with the new Biwbanian administration slashing half the funding for the Department of Biodiversity Conservation, it would be a miracle to find another position like this. This internship might not be paid, but it would give me the certifications I needed to move on to a full-time researcher position.

Still, I can’t get certified if I’m dead.

The ship’s motion sensors picked up a heat signal east of me, and that was when I spotted him.

Just outside the walls, a lone male stalked through the grove, crouched low in silence. He was clad only in a black loincloth, a bow slung across his back, and a sharp spear in his hands. A hunter. Zigzag horns jutted proudly from his scalp while his long gray tail lazily swished the foliage behind him, covering his footsteps. He paused beside a patch of disturbed ground, inspecting tracks in the soil.

Well, headquarters never said I had to deliver the message to the leader of each settlement. Might as well avoid the bloodbath waiting for me beyond the wall.

I descended slowly, keeping my engines whisper quiet so as to not disturb him too quickly. His head snapped up in an instant, his grip tightening on the spear. I flipped on the speakers and put on my best please don’t kill me voice.

“Greetings, Sankado male!” I said, my voice squeaking a little. “Don’t be alarmed, I come bearing good news!”

His eyes narrowed, but he stood up straight and lowered his spear.

“Listen, I have an important message for your leader. But I was hoping I could relay it through you instead.” I could feel my voice starting to crack with nervousness. The hunter motioned for me to continue and listened intently as I gave my speech. “Can I entrust you to make sure your leader receives the information? We were only able to secure a small number of females due to our time restraints. So at the moment, we are only requesting the fittest males to take part in the initial meeting.”