Page 45 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

“Yes.”

Marble rummaged around in her pocket and pulled out a white feather the size of a pen. “Subject 12, I almost forgot. This is a communications device that you can use to check in with Subject 4.”

“You guys actually made me a phone?” I asked.

“See for yourself,” they said, handing me the feather. “Simply brush along the side and say her name.”

The feather was firmer than I expected and felt more like the bristles of a thin wire comb rather than an actual feather. When I brushed my thumb along its edge and spoke Dory’s name, a screen appeared in front of my face. It took a moment for my mind to make sense of the chaos I was seeing. Flits of wild orange fluff were thrashing about, covering most of the screen. All I could hear were women screaming and shouting.

“Um, Dory?” I called again. The screen floated higher in the room, and I could see that the blob of orange was in fact Dory’s hair. She was on the back of a buff East Asian woman holding a butcher knife. War paint was smeared on her face. They were in what looked like a large indoor gym, complete with a full basketball court. The bleachers were full of more women in face paint, like some weird Lord of the Flies–style tribunal was taking place.

Another woman with green box braids held a flaming torch high as she screamed, “Kill the demon!” While more female warriors cheered in unison. They advanced on a Sankado male tied against the basketball hoop screaming bloody murder.

His sole defender was a short light-skinned woman wielding what looked like a makeshift spear. Her thick round lenses made her terrified green eyes look huge, like a cornered animal caught in a nightmare.

The large woman Dory clung to shifted her weight and threw Dory to the ground before charging at the woman with glasses. Dory leapt up to tackle her legs, and she went down. The knife fell from her hand and skittered across the floor, causing her intended target to leap out of the way before it sliced her bare feet.

Growling, the determined redhead clambered to her feet and ran in front of the Sankado and his defender, spreading her arms out wide to shield them with her own body.

“For the last fucking time,” Dory roared over the crowd. “They are not demons, they are aliens!”

Not knowing what else to do, I cleared my throat and asked, “I take it this is a bad time?”

Silence fell over the crowd as they all turned to look at me.

“Blair?” Dory asked.

“The one and only,” I replied. “So…what, uh…what’s going on here?”

Osid placed a hand over my shoulder, invading my space as he peered into the screen. “There are other females with her, is she at the female camp?”

“Excuse you,” I chided, stepping away. “This is my phone call.”

The buff woman on the ground stood and pointed at the screen. “There’s another demon with her!”

“I don’t recognize her,” said another in the crowd. “Lord Jesus, did they take someone when we weren’t paying attention? Oh, they’re gonna snatch us up one by one!”

“See, now y’all gone and done it.” The camera panned to a stocky blond woman in a tinfoil hat. She stood at the end of the row of bleachers, as far away from the tied-up alien as possible. “They contacted the mother ship. I done told y’all they been wantin’ us for our wombs. Why else would aliens take a gaggle of pretty young things like us? Human. Sex. Traffickin’!” She shirked off her backpack and pulled out a roll of tin foil. “Well, they can take me from my land, but they can’t take my mind! Line up now, ya hear? I got three rolls of this good stuff left. We act fast, and we might be able to save the rest of us from their mind control waves. Tie up the new girl, she too far gone.”

Dory looked ready to kill her on the spot. “Marcy, you are not helping!”

“What are they saying?” Osid asked. “I can only understand Lok’s woman.”

“They’re saying mind your business, nosy.”

Dory wiped a hand down her face, exasperated. “Listen, the Sankado didn’t take Blair, they didn’t take any of us, the Biwban did. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

The woman with the torch pointed it accusingly at Dory. “And why should we believe you? You showed up talking crazy with a freaking lion in tow and started rambling about bird aliens and about how we all have to kiss you to talk to these weird demons.” She pointed the torch at the Sankado tied to the basketball hoop. “This one already got all up in Misty’s head. If we hadn’t shown up in time, he would have strangled her!”

“He was not trying to strangle me!” shouted the woman with glasses.

“Then what was he doing on top of you?”

Misty’s face reddened. “That’s…that’s not important.”

“Dory, what is going on?” I asked.

The wildlife biologist took a deep fortifying breath. “Lok, Sol, and I made it to the female enclosure. I got here just in time to see these psychos trying to burn this one at the stake. They don’t believe me about the breeding program or the translator symbiote. They think the Sankado are demons.”