Page 70 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

Confused, I looked to my side to see a rectangle box with a see-through window. I smashed the glass and retrieved the orange bag. “Which one is Dr. Pepper?”

“Second shelf, three cans over. You know what? That looks like a lot to carry, you should put it in that red bag in the Bvlgari store next to you. The one with the gold clasp in the center display.”

“She’s shopping.” I blinked. “You’re shopping? Woman, you are strapped to a bomb!”

“And you are literally right fucking there. Grab the bag, Osid!”

“Did you forget the position you are in?”

“There’re thirty minutes left on the clock. I was freaking out before, but now you’re already almost to my gate. We’re fine.”

Smoke billowed from my tail. I grabbed the bag and stuffed her ridiculous treats inside. “I can’t stand you right now.”

“You love me. You’re going to go to my gate, announce your undying adoration for me, and kiss my whole face. Bring me my new red leather bag, and I might just let you kiss a little more than that.”

And just like that, my rage dissipated. “You want anything else?”

“Mmm, nope, I’m good.”

When I got to Concourse D, gate 21, there was no one there. I looked around to the other gates, trying to see if I was simply reading it wrong, but all of them were empty. I spotted a human in one of their servant uniforms and flagged them down.

“You, why is my queen’s plane not here?”

The light-haired smiling servant held out a hand. “Ticket, please.”

I gave her the boarding pass. Tapping my foot impatiently as she read it over.

Wide blue eyes peered at me over the ticket. “I’m sorry, sir, but you’re in the wrong terminal.”

“What?” I snarled.

“What the fuck is she talking about?” Blair roared. “Concourse D is in the domestic terminal. I just flew out of ATL like two months ago for a show.”

The servant handed the ticket back to me and gave a polite shake of her head. “Not anymore, I’m afraid. We’ve moved Concourse D into the international terminal. You’ll need to take the shuttle if you want to get there.”

“Well, why the fuck would you do that?” Blair asked.

With a shrug, the servant replied, “He got here too quickly.”

Blair and I stared at her, stunned.

Then I set her on fire and ran for the shuttle.

This time I didn’t give myself an instant to so much as blink before jumping past the metal doors. I kept my eyes shut, refusing to risk seeing the Calamity a second time.

“Tell me when we arrive at the right stop.”

“Okay,” Blair said. Her voice breathless and panicked. “This will be fine. We got time. So much time.” She let out a breath. “Stupid fucking airport!”

“Be calm,” I said. “As soon as the gates open, I’ll run to you. I would never let something bad happen to you, Blair, you know this.”

“I do,” she said quickly. Then, much calmer, she repeated it. “I do.”

Warmth flooded through me. The sound of panting hit my ears, and I looked down to see the most horrifying bug-eyed creature to ever walk the face of the planet.

“WHAT IS THAT?” I jumped away from the wheezing beast, tripping over a suitcase and slamming into the ground.

The disgusting flat-faced creature let out a garbled, wet “Ruff!” and bounded toward me.