Page 75 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

Lokbaatar let out a low, incredulous whistle. “Stardust, did I hear that right? I must be losing my mind.”

“Lok, hush,” she said, rolling her eyes, but she didn’t bother hiding her smirk.

I pushed on, bruising each word as it left my mouth. “We’re staging an attack on the Biwban’s tower tomorrow. I can’t get a message to my men, and you are the only one with enough soldiers to get to the tower before tomorrow. I need you at my side.”

Lokbaatar barked out a laugh. “At your side? Not kneeling at your hooves?”

I ignored that and continued. “Be serious for a moment. You know as well as I do that the Biwban have been treating us like animals. They need to pay for what they’ve done.”

He raised a brow. “Obviously. I also know that their technology far surpasses ours. If you plan on going to war with them, you’ll need a lot more than the meager band I could scrounge up on a day’s notice. Even then, winning a war with a species capable of creating and destroying entire planets seems a bit…suicidal.”

I nodded in agreement. “That’s why we’re not going to war.”

Blair smiled wide beside me. “We’re going to sue them!”

Lok cracked a grin. “So that’s why you needed Sol too. All right, you have my attention. What’s that have to do with orchestrating an attack for tomorrow?”

“My queen overheard the Biwban talking. The BCI is being audited for misuse of funds, and the auditor is coming to inspect The Crucible tower tomorrow. They seem adamant to keep us away from him, which leads me to believe they’re trying to hide more than just a misuse of funds. And if we can get to them and tell them everything…” My hand balled involuntarily. “It’s the only shot we’ve got at justice. For every Sankado.”

Dory slapped Lok’s shoulder repeatedly. “Oh, oh!”

Lok stilled his wife’s excited hand. “Use your words, darling.”

“The war crimes!” she shouted. At Lok’s blank look, she continued. “Remember when the Intern figured out we could talk? He started freaking out about us being a class A species. He said the Galactic Federation was going to demote him to waste collector or worse if they found out. That must be what they’re trying to hide!”

Lok’s eyes widened, and a slow predatory smile crept in. “So. They’re trying to keep us quarantined so they don’t have to admit they violated some kind of interspecies protocol.” He stroked a muddy thumb down his jaw, thoughtful. “But that still doesn’t answer my previous question. Will I be standing at your side or kneeling?”

I took a breath, steadying the pit of irritation that had started to undermine my resolve. “You’ll stand beside me. You have my oath,” I said.

“And after?” he pressed. “My men won’t follow you while my head remains on my shoulders, and I don’t intend to let you kill me to appease your addiction for control.”

The smell of smoke rose. “Addiction—”

Blair moved a hand to the nape of my neck, soothing the area like I’d done for her so many times before. I swallowed the sour taste on my tongue and continued. “You and the rest of the Singing Arrows will be welcomed by the Dulba Empire as a vassal state. When we take control of the female enclosure—”

“No!” Dory cut in. “Frittata will remain an autonomous state.”

“Frittata?” Blair asked.

Dory shrugged. “They found out I named the planet Waffles and just stuck with the breakfast theme. Anyway, sorry to burst your bubble, but the women here are not going to let a bunch of men come in and start ordering them around as if they own them. They are just as sick of being jerked around as you are. You can ask the Roamcrest how well they took to men suddenly invading their space.”

Lok chuckled and said to me, “Kravok the Rabid is now Kravok the Hornless.” At my shocked expression, he continued, “They would have burned a young herder at the stake before Dory arrived to quell their fury. If you plan on subjugating these women, then that fight you’ll have to win on your own. But I’m warning you, Osid—” His playful mask vanished, and the savage joy only a few lived to see slipped through. “If even one of them comes to me saying that one of yours has hurt them, you will be facing the full might of the Singing Arrows once again.”

Dory nodded with a proud smile. “There you have it. If you want to resettle your kingdom here, then this island is plenty big enough for the both of us. But our half remains an independent state. Lucky for you, some of the ladies here are very interested in the idea of an alien mate, so we’ll allow your men entry, so long as they abide by our rules and don’t try to force any of us to leave with them.”

Blair’s eyes lit up. “Oh my god, we can set up contests like a dating show.”

Dory returned the enthusiasm in kind. “Only with fewer walking STDs and way more blood feuds. Also more fire, cause of the tail thing.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “So in summation, you will help us storm the tower tomorrow, and in exchange, you want autonomy for Frittata?”

Lokbaatar’s teeth gleamed. “And amnesty for all Singing Arrows. No extradition, no vendettas.”

“Done,” I said, already regretting the certainty in my voice.

Lokbaatar yawned exaggeratedly. “If the negotiation is over, I’ve got men to kick off their asses.” With that, he stood and left.

Dory clapped her hands together excitedly. “I’ll go find Sol and fill him in on what’s going on. I don’t know the first thing about suing an evil alien organization, but I bet he’ll have some words with that auditor. Stay strong, you two, we’ll see you tomorrow.”