Page 47 of Something About September

“Of course, you probably have your own exit strategy,” Heather continued lightly. “You always have. Which is another issue. Pip clearly adores you, and you’ll be gone in a few weeks. That won’t be easy for him.” Heather’s eyes were narrowed, and yet, to Rebecca, they seemed to contain something other than concern for her friend, for her son. She was enjoying this, she realized. She had never gotten over being the kind of person who thrived on drama.

But still, what Rebecca hated most about this conversation wasn’t the idea that in a perverse way, Heather was delighted by it: It was that Heather wasn’t wrong. She and Cort hadn’t thought any of this through. And now, as Cort said goodbye to Melanie and began walking toward her, she could see in his guarded expression that he was thinking the same.

Heather stepped back. “I’d better get to the park and make sure no one has concussed themselves yet. See you around!” And she waved and walked away like she hadn’t just dropped an emotional anvil into Rebecca’s lap.

“Everything okay?” Rebecca asked Cort carefully when they were alone.

He didn’t answer right away. But she knew it wasn’t good. It was amazing how, in just a few minutes, everything could change.

“We should talk,” he said. “Not here.”

Her heart felt as heavy as stone.

“Let’s go back to the diner.”

They walked in silence, through fallen leaves that had, just days before, been brilliant gold and red and were now faded. Everywhere she looked, all Rebecca could see were endings.

Chapter 30

“I don’t regret any of this,” Cort said simply. “I want you to know that.”

For a moment, Rebecca was speechless. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what to say; it was that she didn’t know how to say it.

“I don’t, either,” she finally managed, but the words almost stuck in her throat. Because they weren’t entirely true. All those moments when the fear had crept in and she had ignored her intuition—she regretted that now. She had known this could happen. So she could feel that Cort was standing in front of her, one foot metaphorically out the door, because she knew him.

He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to be.” Please don’t pity me. Don’t feel sorry for me.

“Running into Mel, it was awkward. Worse than awkward. She was upset, and although we’ve agreed not to interfere in each other’s romantic lives, ever, the thing is, I’ve never introduced Pip to any of the women I’ve dated since Melanie and I broke up.” Any of the women I’ve dated. It made sense, but it was still as if a pail of cold water had been dumped on her head. Of course Cort had dated. He had the Cort Adams Effect, after all. He wasn’t just the person she had recently begun to think of as belonging to her.

He had never been hers. He was handsome, kind, irresistibly charming, single. Still, she felt a flash of jealousy and had to look away from him so he wouldn’t see it.

“Pip didn’t meet Mel’s guy until they had been dating for months and things were really serious.” He rubbed his jaw with his hand, then began again. “We’ve been having so much fun…”

“So much fun…” Rebecca echoed. “I get it, Cort,” she lied.

He had been staring into the coffee she had made him when they arrived back at the diner, but now he looked up. “You do? Because I don’t think I’m fully caught up with my head and my heart here.”

She looked away from him. She hated that he had just put into words exactly how she was feeling—which was so typical. Hated that her heart was racing, her palms were sweating. Now that she knew what it was like to be in his arms, it was all she wanted in the world. But she couldn’t have it, not anymore. She had let herself believe something else when it came to Cort, but there was no avoiding it. Better to just rip the Band-Aid off now and be done with it.

“I can see why Melanie was bothered. I know it has nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with parenting. You’re both very good parents to that boy. He’s lucky. But so am I. I’m lucky to have met him.”

He smiled tentatively. “Pip is special,” he said. “And he likes you a lot. Mel worries that you won’t be here for too much longer, and she doesn’t want Pip to get attached. Which, I’ll admit, was something I’ve been allowing myself to forget. To pretend isn’t real. I’ve started making myself believe you aren’t going anywhere…but you can’t make promises, and I know that. We’ve probably moved too fast.”

She nodded, swallowed over the painful lump in her throat. “We definitely need to slow down,” she said, and did not mean it. But the words were out, and they had sounded so certain.

He put his coffee down. His gray eyes were like rain clouds.

“The problem is, I don’t think I could ever just be casual with you. If you don’t see a future at all for yourself here, we need to do more than slow down. I think it’s probably best that we stop altogether. Do you see a future for yourself in Bramley Hollow?”

“Cort, I—” But she didn’t know what to say to this. In this case, there was no truth to be told. Except for: My life is in Toronto. My apartment, my job. But she couldn’t say that, because there was no solution to it. “I’m sorry,” she said, and it was almost a whisper. Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away so quickly he might not have noticed.

She was doing the right thing, she told herself. She wasn’t in a position to simply decide to stay in Bramley Hollow because of her feelings for Cort. She didn’t know the first thing about running a diner, could barely manage the cleaning out and renovation of one. She had a job. A life. It wasn’t here.

He was watching her closely. “I want you to be happy,” he said. “Even if it’s not here. I’ve always known you wanted to be somewhere else.”

She nodded, throat still tight. “And I’ve always known you wanted to be here.”