Page 130 of What Should Have Been Ours

I won’t lie, last night was pretty brutal for my newly co-dependent self, though. I know it’s tradition to spend the night apart before the wedding, but I wanted to say screw that so badly. I hadn’t been away from Cam for a single night since the moment he collapsed at the gala. Not through the long hospital stays, not through the worst of the chemo, not through the nights when I laid awake listening to him breathe just to make sure he was still here.

But stupid Wes insisted, saying, “One night, Gabs. You’ll survive one night. And I’ll stay with him.”

I know Cam wasn’t thrilled about it either. But if I let myself worry too much, I knew I’d break and go back to him. So, I spent the night with Kinsley, going through the final details and obsessing about the moment I’d finally get to call him my husband.

My husband.

The words feel unreal. Like something I was never meant to have, a dream I thought I lost a long time ago when I lost him the first time. But today is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. And I’m going to make damn sure it’s exactly that.

“Alright, final touches,” Kinsley announces, stepping back from my hair with a satisfied smirk. “I should really quit my job and become a hairstylist. I’m seriously too gifted not to.”

I roll my eyes and smile, turning to face the mirror, then I let out a sigh, because for the first time in a long time, I recognize the girl looking back at me. The one who isn’t exhausted, who isn’t terrified of the future looming over her. I just see a girl, standing in a wedding dress, about to marry the love of her life, and she’s so happy, so ready for this next chapter, even if it’s nearing the end of the book.

The dress is perfect, just like today. Delicate lace hugging my torso, dipping into a deep but elegant neckline, the sheer floral panels down the sides. The flowing skirt pools around my feet like something out of a dream.

Kinsley appears behind me, adjusting her bridesmaid dress before meeting my eyes in the mirror. “You’re so beautiful, Gabs. I’m so happy for you. Ugh, I’m not gonna cry…I told myself I wouldn’t cry yet,” she says, waving her hands in front of her eyes, trying not to ruin her makeup.

“Thank you, Kins,” I say, blushing.

“You ready?” she asks.

I swallow hard, nodding. “So ready.”

A knock sounds at the door, and my heart jumps.

It’s my mom and Cam’s mom, both beaming as they step inside.

“Oh, Gabrielle,” my mom whispers, hand covering her mouth.

Cam’s mom blinks back tears. “You look absolutely stunning, sweetheart.”

Kinsley gives them a proud little shrug. “I mean, I did do her hair.”

I laugh, rolling my eyes again.

— Lost Without You by Freya Ridings—

The car ride to Central Park is a blur of nerves and excitement. My hands still shake in my lap as I try not to overthink every step I’m about to take.

When we arrive, I step out, my breath catching at the sight before me.

It’s perfect. Everything is so perfect.

The rustic wooden structure overhead, draped in greenery and soft white florals. The intimate setting, just our closest friends and family. The sun filtered through the trees, casting everything in a golden glow. It’s exactly what I pictured.

As we’re walking through the park towards our ceremony area, I catch a glimpse of a marking on one of the trees we pass by. It takes me a minute to realize what I’m seeing, but when I do, my breath catches. I see a star carved into the tree with the initials C and G inside. It’s one of the many trees Cam and I marked with our initials here at Central Park as kids.

A surge of emotions runs through me at the thought of how much life Cam and I have lived together. How many beautiful moments we’ve had and how many amazing memories we’ve made together.

I wish so badly that I could see a lifetime of more memories with him.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop praying for that to become our reality, somehow still.

* * *

I barely register Kinsley looping her arm through Wes’s as they start down the aisle together. I barely hear the murmurs of our guests in their seats. I barely see anything else around.

Because my eyes are locked on him.