Page 137 of What Should Have Been Ours

Rooftop Sunrise

Growing up, we would always sneak out onto the rooftop of the hospital to watch the city under the night sky. It was our safest place. A place that held so many memories for us. But we’d never seen the sunrise there together, never really made it a point to. So one morning, we snuck out onto the hospital’s rooftop, wrapped in blankets, still half-asleep, just to watch the sky catch fire.

We stayed there, cuddled up for a while, talking about the future we dreamed about like we would do when we were kids, even if we knew these dreams now would be impossible. It was nice to play pretend for a while.

We made the rounds at the hospital before heading back home—quick hellos to some of my old patients, especially Maya. I didn’t get to play a round of Uno with her this time since she had to get prepped for a procedure, but I told her I would play with her when she got out of here, just to give her a little motivation to keep pushing. Even if I couldn’t follow through.

Then I caught up with Wes and a few of the other doctors. It felt good, even if it was brief. It was like a small glimpse back into my normal life. If it hadn’t been ripped from under me.

Night Under The Stars

One of my favorite list items was the night we spent under the stars, outside the city, no tent, no roof over our heads—just us, the grass, and the sky.

She laid pressed against me, warm and soft, perfectly molded to me.

I think making love to my wife under the stars has been my favorite memory from this whole adventure list, because in that moment, I wasn’t sick. I wasn’t dying. I was just a man in love, drowning in her touch, in the way she moved against me, in the way the moonlight kissed her skin.

She made me feel infinite, even when I knew I wasn’t.

It took me back to one of my favorite memories. Our first time together—under the stars on a beach in New Jersey—which is now my second favorite memory with her.

Dancing In The Rain

We made a pact—next time it rained, no matter what we were doing, we had to stop and dance in it. No exceptions. No excuses.

We were out running errands when it happened, of course.

We had bags of groceries in our hands when the sky cracked open. Cold, relentless sheets of rain poured down, soaking us in seconds. People ran for cover, but we stood in the middle of the parking lot, staring at each other like this is it.

Then she smiled—that kind of reckless, beautiful smile that made my chest ache—and we dropped everything.

Right there, in the middle of it all, she walked over to me, and I grabbed her by the waist as we held each other and danced.

I twirled her. She twirled me. We laughed so hard I thought my ribs might crack. And then she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me like we had all the time in the world, like we weren’t standing in the pouring rain, like this moment was the only thing that existed for her.

I’d never seen anything more perfect. And when we got home, soaking wet, shivering, we both stripped down and curled up on the couch with a blanket and the gas fireplace on, her fingers tracing lazy circles on my chest, my fingers running through her hair.

Content to just feel connected.

Naming A Star

We were curled up together on the couch watching reruns of our favorite shows when Gabrielle got up suddenly. I watched as she walked over to the kitchen island and started rummaging through her bag. She walked back over to the couch with a mischievous grin and a rolled-up piece of paper in her hand.

I swung my legs off the couch and sat upright as she plopped down onto my lap, laughing. Without a word, she placed the paper in my hand and gave me that cute little impatient look, telling me to hurry up and look at it.

I opened it to see a certificate:

Right Ascension: 05h 35m | Declination: -05° 23′

has been officially named:

“Camrielle”

Named by: Gabrielle Hayes & Cameron Hayes

In honor of a love that has always reached beyond the sky,

burned brighter than the stars, and has been more enduring than time itself.