Page 25 of What Should Have Been Ours

It’s been a long workday today, and even more stressful because I can’t stay focused.

Why has everything always been so confusing when it comes to Cam?

It’s so frustrating.

Ever since we were kids, I could never fully read how he felt about me until he made it official and asked me out.

He’s always been straight to the point in every other aspect of his life and with every other person he’s around, but when it came to us, when it came to me, he always seemed too scared to ever say how he really felt. Like he was going to be the one to scare me off. Like I hadn’t loved him since I was a kid.

The day we met, I knew he would always be my best friend, and my love for him as a friend naturally became more as we got older.

I knew I was in love with him the day he showed up to my hospital room with a puppy in his hoodie when we were thirteen.

Not a stuffed animal. A real, breathing, tail-wagging puppy he had tucked under his sweatshirt like he was committing a felony.

I can still remember the way he peeked around the door, his eyes darting down the hall like he was a criminal smuggling contraband instead of a thirteen-year-old boy with a questionable understanding of hospital regulations.

“Gab,” he whisper-yelled, closing the door behind him with his foot. “Don’t freak out.”

Which, naturally, made me immediately freak out.

“What did you do?”

I sat up in bed, my heart pounding, my eyes narrowing on his zipped-up hoodie that was…moving.

Cam winced. “Okay, so technically, I didn’t steal him.”

“Steal who?”

Just then, a tiny golden retriever puppy poked its head out from the top of Cam’s hoodie, blinking up at me with big brown eyes, and my heart stopped.

“Oh my gosh!”

Cam grinned, pulling the puppy out and cradling it in his arms. “Meet Waffles.”

“Waffles?!” I choked out, tears of happiness threatening to escape. “Cam, what? Where? Why do you have a puppy right now?”

He sat down on the bed beside me, placing Waffles carefully in my lap like he was delivering an actual miracle.

“You were sad,” he said simply, watching as the puppy licked my fingers. “And I know how much you love the therapy dogs, but they only bring them around once a week. Which is dumb because if I were a doctor, I’d prescribe dog cuddles at least three times a day.”

I let out a watery laugh, my throat feeling too tight and my heart feeling too full.

“So I may have slightly begged one of the nurses to help me find a way to get you some puppy time,” he continued, rubbing the back of his neck. “And one of the vets who works with the hospital’s therapy program had some new puppies. So when I explained your situation, she let me borrow this guy for the day.”

I looked down at Waffles, who had already curled up in my lap, passed out like he belonged there.

And that’s when it hit me, that Cam wasn’t just my best friend. He was so much more.

No one else in my life had ever made me feel as seen as he did. No one else had ever gone so far out of their way to make me happy. No one else would sneak an actual puppy into a hospital room just because I was having a rough time.

I loved him. Not just as my best friend. Not just as the boy who made me laugh, who kept me sane, who sat with me in the dark when I was too tired to be hopeful.

I loved him. In a way that terrified me. In a way that changed everything.

And when I looked up at him that day, I knew he felt it too.

But as sweet as every memory I have with him is, I refuse to get my hopes up with him now. I wouldn’t survive that heartbreak a second time. The first heartbreak was when he was taken from me. The second would be the confirmation of him not wanting me to begin with.