Page 65 of What Should Have Been Ours

He’s probably fine.

He’s definitely fine.

But what if he’s not?

I’ve spent too many nights now staring at the ceiling, thinking about worst-case scenarios. Thinking about the fact that we’ve been through this before, that just because so many years have passed cancer-free for us, doesn’t mean relapse is impossible. As many as he’s had before, it’s not out of the question.

If something is wrong…

I stop that train of thought before it can completely unravel me. I easily spiral when it comes to health, so I try to distract myself. I shake my head, straighten my shoulders, and push through the rest of my work day, using it as my distraction.

When I finally get a break, I head to the back room, where Kinsley is perched on the counter, eating her breakfast.

“You look like you’ve been deep in existential dread for the last hour,” she says with a mouth full as she points her spoon at me.

I roll my eyes, opening the fridge to grab some water. “I have not been in existential dread.”

She raises an eyebrow.

I sigh. “I’ve just been…thinking.”

“About?”

I hesitate, wanting to tell her. I probably should tell her about my spiraling thoughts. But I don’t know how to even put them into words without ending up in a full-blown panic attack. So instead, I force a casual shrug. “Nothing important.”

Kinsley eyes me for a long second, but thankfully, lets it go. “Well, we’ll circle back to that eventually, but…” she says, hopping off the counter, “there’s a live band playing at our favorite bar in Manhattan coming up. I saw a post about. We should go.”

I take a sip of my water. “Sounds fun.”

“It will be. Especially if we find some hot guys to buy us drinks.”

I snort. “I don’t think Cam would love that idea.”

Kinsley gasps dramatically, and I can see the light bulb appear above her head. “Oh, my bad.” Then she points at me. “Your hot guy can buy us both drinks, then.”

I roll my eyes, laughing at her, but before I can respond, the door to the break room swings open, and in walks William and…Ashley.

I don’t know why I still have a visceral reaction to them. It’s not jealousy—it’s just irritation. William is already the worst. Watching him and his new girlfriend giggling and touching all over each other like they don’t know other people are in the room is just…exhausting, and not something I want to watch.

The second they see us, they both stiffen.

She clears her throat and tucks herself under William’s arm. “Hey, guys.”

Kinsley stares blankly at her, not responding.

She shifts, glancing between us, and I can feel the awkwardness in the room. “So, um…are you coming to the fundraiser event coming up in a couple of weeks?”

“I have to,” I say like it’s obvious. “Since you know, I’m the other lead vet here and helped organize it.”

“Right, yeah, of course,” she says, laughing awkwardly.

William clears his throat. “It’ll be a good time. And you’ll have Kinsley to keep you company.”

I give him a tight smile. “Oh, I doubt it’ll just be Kinsley and me.”

His brows furrow slightly. “What do you mean?”

Kinsley smirks, already catching on.