Page 88 of Mutual Discord

A long sigh fluttered my lips. “I was afraid of failing in front of one of the most successful people I know. Afraid I wouldn’t measure up. I’ve always felt like your sidekick instead of the star of my own life.”

And there it was. So much of how I felt about my friendship with Caitlin could be summed up in that one sentence. It wasn’t kind, to either of us, but it felt like the most true statement I’d ever uttered.

“I don’t know what to say to that.” Caitlin studied our linked hands. “I’ve never, not once, viewed you as my sidekick. In fact, I’ve been envious of you. Of how authentically you move through the world. Of how comfortable you’ve always seemed in your own skin. How you’ve never been afraid to try something new. I may have traveled all over the world, but you’ve always had wonderful things to come home to.”

Fighting back tears, I covered my face with my palm. “I never knew you felt that way.”

Caitlin leaned into my side. “I think we should make an effort to speak more frequently. We’re both changing as we grow older and making our way through life, and we should grow together.”

I kissed the top of her head. “You’re so wise.”

She snickered. “I know.” Caitlin then expelled a long breath. “So, Alex.”

“Alex.” I said his name like a benediction. “I have another confession.”

“And I am all ears.”

Toying with the ring on her finger, I sucked in a breath and said, “Alex and I actually knew each other before our dinner that night.”

Caitlin sat up straight. “You did?”

I nodded and told her about our online friendship, our easy chemistry, and how I never planned to meet him in person.

“Wow, what are the odds that he would be the guy I brought to meet you?” Caitlin barked a laugh. “You must have been panicking when you saw him that night.”

“Especially when I thought he was your boyfriend.”

My friend’s answering snort was dry. “Alex has only ever had eyes for you. Walking back to his car that night after dinner, he couldn’t stop asking questions about you.”

“Oh God,” I groaned. “I really have ruined everything.”

“You didn’t ruin things, but you did hurt him.” Caitlin rubbed her thumb over my knuckles. “He’s in love with you, Sofia.”

“Do you really think so?” I whispered, afraid to hope.

Caitlin scoffed. “I know so. We’ve exchanged texts for months with the sole purpose of me helping him win you over. But the thing is, Alex would have resigned himself to just being your friend. He admires and respects you enough that he would have been happy being in your life however you were willing to allow him to be.”

My vision went blurry with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I learned long ago not to ask about your love life.” At my perplexed look, Caitlin shrugged. “You used to get so short, so defensive, whenever I did. So I stopped because I didn’t want to upset you.”

I did do that. I clamped my eyes closed. “I think after Kyle, I found it hard to talk to you about the guys I was dating.”

“Kyle was an asshole, and I’m still pissed at him for pulling that stupid shit with you.”

“He was an asshole,” I agreed, wondering at how the years had gone by while Caitlin and I allowed our friendship to become superficial. I regretted how I let my own hang-ups get in the way.

“I need to talk to Alex.” The words came uninvited, but they were true. “I don’t know where he went, and I’m afraid he won’t answer my calls or texts.”

“I know where he went.”

Every muscle in my body went still. “You do?”

Caitlin nodded. “He sent me a text saying he was going back to his apartment.”

“Did he say anything else?”

“No, I’m sorry.” Caitlin shook her head. “Can you ask Camila?”