Page 357 of Mad Girl

Not making a plan. Just…taking inventory. Trying to prove I was the one in control, not that little voice in my head.

My dad barely surfaced, sleeping throughout the day, shutting himself in his office at night. No music downstairs. No dinners. No footsteps in the hall. Just that damn grandfather clock, chiming the empty hours as they passed.

We were more like housemates than a family, all the warmth of the last three years quickly seeping out.

Nic wouldn’t fix it. He’d made that clear. Which meant I had to be the one to step up, had to give you a reason to stay.

But I couldn’t do it without Michael.

On my way out, I passed Nic’s office, saw him sitting at his desk, staring at nothing, the light from his desk lamp casting a shadow across his face. He looked older than his forty years in that dark room. As if all his choices—both good and bad—had finally caught up with him.

At Michael’s, he rushed to speak the minute I stepped through his door. “My dad’s serious, Elliot. He asked my mom for a separation last night. He told her he’s moving out.”

“It’ll be okay,” I said, leading him over to the couch. “Because we can give John something my dad can’t right now—the truth about Casey.”

Michael closed his eyes. “That’ll just make everything worse.”

“No. John’s right. Secrets don’t belong in this family.” I clasped Michael’s hand, tears filling my eyes. “So here’s mine.” I took a deep breath, forcing myself to say what I should’ve told him a long time ago. “I’m in love with Casey.”

Michael turned his head, the hit instant. A sharp, devastating blow.

“We’ve had something going on for a while,” I confessed. “Since Halloween—sort of. We would be together right now if I hadn’t ruined it.”

“God,” he said with a choked laugh, pulling his hand from mine. “What an idiot I’ve been.”

“You’re not an idiot—I am. For lying. For leading you on.” Our entire history flashed before my eyes. The late nights with our parents. Happy summers on the Cape. Watching the snow fall from his bedroom window, the cold pressing in. Him crawling into my bed, making me feel safe and warm. My palm, at eight years old, pressed to his chest, taking comfort in the steady beat of his heart. You’re still here.

I know you won’t like it, Casey. But my history with Michael matters, and I don’t regret any part of it—except hurting him. Except lying to you about what we really were to each other.

“You want to know the worst part of all this?” Michael asked hoarsely. “For years, I’m hopping from one girlfriend to the next, but I’m secretly harboring this massive crush on you. Then I meet him, and we hit off, and he has no one, so I bring him over to Nic’s. I watch you meet him, and I see it—this tiny spark of something—but I choose to believe it’s only because he’s new and attractive and girls just generally have that reaction to him. I tell myself I have nothing to worry about. I think, Surely she won’t fall for the first guy I ever bring to brunch.”

I watched his eyes fill with tears that he instantly blinked away.

“But you did,” he whispered. “And in a cruel twist of fate, that guy turns out to be my brother. If my life were a book, what a fucking plot twist, right?” He laughed, but the sound was devastating. All wrong. “My long-lost brother swoops in out of nowhere, and the girl I’ve loved my whole life falls in love with him. I got the dad, but he gets the girl. I got the better childhood, but he gets the future I wanted with you. He just had to come over here and take that away from me. Take the one thing I wanted most.”

“And he’s been beating himself up over it the whole time. He hates hurting you.”

“Didn’t stop him from taking you, anyway, did it?”

“It stopped him from telling John the truth. He doesn’t think it’s possible for him to have me and a place in your family, too.”

“How considerate of him,” Michael said, voice dripping with contempt. “So—what? I’m just the asshole who’s keeping him from his real dad?”

“No. I’m the asshole here. I didn’t want to hurt either of you, but that only led to me hurting you both. So I have to tell him everything—that I lied about me and you, that you know he’s your brother—so there are no more secrets between you guys. I need to step back and allow you to work out your issues with each other. Not as friends—as brothers. This is the push he needs to tell John the truth—and I need your help.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Michael, he’s your brother. Put your jealousy aside, stop being a dick, and do what’s best for your family—what’s best for your dad. No one can help Casey tell the truth better than you can. It has to be you.”

Michael shook his head. “Look at all the drama he’s caused. He’s part of the reason my dad’s moving out—because Nic promised to keep this secret for him, and my dad’s had enough.”

“Doesn’t matter. You met Casey’s adoptive dad. You know why it’s so hard for him to open up to John. So you’ll do this for him.”

“Nah,” said Michael.

“You’ll do it.”

“No, I fucking won’t.”