Page 162 of The Bonds of Indigo

“Whatever you need, Amarah.”

“Why…” I turn in his hold, and he loosens his arms to let me face him. “Why did you leave him?”

His throat bobs, pain flickering in the soft twitch of his nose and the pull between his brows. His hand moves from my shoulder to my neck, then to my cheek—as if he understands my need is answered through touch. I’m desperate for it; I lacked it for so long in ways that made me feel safe.

And even as I sit naked in his tub, in the lap of a man I’ve only truly known for moments, his fingers tell me a story that’s lasted a century.

I won’t hurt you. I won’t touch you in any way you don’t want. I won’t misuse your trust.

“My father threatened to kill him.”

My eyes widen, my head shaking because that’s not some idle threat. That is catastrophic.

“He said Kayn was a distraction to me. That I had a bigger role than being someone’s fuck toy. When I refused to leave willingly… he proved how little control I truly have over my own choices.” Anger and ache fill Lucifer’s eyes, glossing them with something dangerously close to grief. “He appeared the night I left Kayn. Put a sword to his neck and promised I’d never see him again—not even in the Beyond—if I didn’t leave and go with him.”

“He never mentioned…”

“Because he doesn’t remember, Amarah.” His voice cracks, quiet but heavy. “I stole it. The memory. I’d rather he hated me for abandoning him than died trying… to save me.”

It should be him that has tears falling down his cheeks.

But no, they’re mine. My heart bleeds. My pulse climbs to a frantic, painful rhythm.

“And I…” My words fracture in my throat. “Brought him right to his realm…”

A sudden pull of energy yanks out of me, sending me pitching forward into Lucifer’s arms.

He wraps around my shoulders instantly. My chest tightens, every inch of my skin tingling. I’m forced to pull in breath after breath, because if I don’t, my lungs feel like they might cave.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs, voice steady. “I won’t take much.”

I keep my arms between us, and he adjusts our bodies so he can hold me more securely. His fingers slide into my hair, gentle and grounding. I rest my forehead against the space between his neck and shoulder and release a quiet, broken sob.

There’s no need to fake this, because I do need him. In some capacity… and maybe in many.

Whether it’s this embrace, one that feels like he is just as desperate for it as I am, or the reality that I need him to save Kayn from the consequences of my ignorance: I do need Lucifer.

And deep down… I’m not angered at myself for that revelation.

Chapter 41

My eye twitches as I stare up at the big cat sitting directly on my chest. She regards me with a simple tilt of her head.

“Zuhara, would you be so kind and get off me?”

She settles more comfortably on me, her paws planted on my chest, giving me what I can only describe as a smile.

“Oh, my Kayn, how I’ve missed you so.”

That makes me smile, because even with my mind racing—and my body aching to get back to not only Amarah, but Lucifer—I’ve missed her too. I run my hand along her neck, scratching behind her ear.

“Me too. It’s been too long.”

She shifts upward, nudging her head under my chin before dragging her tongue up the entire side of my face.

After a few moments of her rubbing up against me, she finally moves, and I pop my head from side to side before sitting up. Only now do I really take in my surroundings.

It’s night, but the sky is streaked with glowing red auroras and scattered stars for as far as I can see. The whole world is washed in warm hues—reds, oranges, ambers, rose—and instead of looking horrifying, it’s celestial.