Page 214 of The Bonds of Indigo

“I’m sorry,” he says before I can even start.

I shake my head, searching his expression for something—regret, understanding, a reason I could forgive—but there’s nothing there that explains why he’d risk what he did. Nothing that makes it even slightly okay.

“It wasn’t⁠—”

“I could’ve lost you both.” I cut in, voice sharp and low. “And you think ‘sorry’ is going to cut it?”

“Lucifer,” he says, stepping closer. “I only did that so you could protect her. Not me.”

His smile is small, almost broken, as he reaches out. His hand slides behind my neck and pulls me toward him, and I don’t fight it. I came in here wanting his hands on me, wanting mine on him… but none of that erases the fury in my chest. It doesn’t take away the fear that carved itself into me when he stopped fighting.

He presses his forehead to mine. “I couldn’t watch her die.”

“And you think I wanted to watch you die? How fucking selfish of you.”

He shuts his eyes, forehead still resting on mine. “I know…”

My hand snaps up to his throat and shove him back against the shower wall hard enough that water splashes around us. He doesn’t fight, but the shock on his face tells me he didn’t expect it.

“You are an idiot,” I growl, pinning him there, “and if you ever do that shit again, I’ll never forgive you.”

A chuckle slips out of him—quiet, breathless—but enough to make his chest shake.

“It’s not funny! Bloody Beyond⁠—”

“I love you.”

Heat bursts under my skin, rushing up my neck, flushing my cheeks. “Then for you to tell me that… Obviously you were the one hit in the head, not Amarah.”

I start to step back, but he’s fast. His arm hooks around my shoulders and drags me flush against him. I’ve let his throat go, but the effect lingers—his cock presses against my hip, thick and eager, dangerously close to mine, which ache at just the thought of them brushing.

“Dominance suits you,” he murmurs against my ear, “but not with me.”

My nostrils flare. “That wasn’t dominance, Kayn, it was a warning. Remember… I’m fully capable of bringing you down to your knees if I wanted to. I allow you to dominate me.”

His brows pop up in surprise. “You want me down on my knees for you, little deviant?”

That heat completely floods my face. “That isn’t what I was referring to.”

“You sure? Your cocks are telling me otherwise.” He puts his hand up through my hair, gripping and leaning in to me. “I’m sorry. It was stupid, but you need to know that I cannot live without that girl. I’ve come to love her too.”

My heart skips.

It’s not as though it isn’t obvious he loves her—Kayn isn’t subtle, not about anything—but hearing him confess it now feels…

Wrong? Right? Both?

For once, I can’t decipher the feeling tightening in my chest. It coils, unfamiliar and sharp, like I’ve swallowed something too big and it can’t determine if it wants to come back up or keep venturing to my stomach.

But one truth stands clear: If there is any man capable of loving two people with absolute, brutal devotion, it’s Kayn Butcher.

It isn’t jealousy that he loves Amarah. I don’t begrudge the bond they have. What I feel is closer to envy. Envy that he’s had time with her, the kind of time I forfeited by leaving.

Maybe it’s anger, too. Because before I ever had a chance to love her properly, I nearly got her killed.

And that sits inside me like a blade, twisting.

“And I do stupid shit apparently when it comes to those I’ve fallen for. That’s pretty obvious considering I went to the Beyond for the man I love.”