Page 122 of Twisted Needs

Parker. Me. Together.

“You call him Daddy?”

“What? No.” I immediately look away. “Gross.”

“Mkay.” She gives me a look, then gives Lee a different look. The kind of look that says we’re coming back to that later. “And you don’t find it weird?” she asks carefully. “That you’ve known him your whole life?”

“Right,” Lee agrees. “Cause I was about to say…”

I stare down at my drink and follow a bead of condensation sliding down the glass.

The thing is, I stopped knowing where the line between weird and inevitable was a long time ago. “I mean…” I admit. “Obviously.”

Neither of them say anything.

“Sometimes it feels weird from the outside,” I continue. “But when it’s him, it doesn’t feel weird. It just feels…” Normal. Comfortable. Like coming home after being gone too long. But I don’t say any of that out loud. “Like one of those intrinsic feelings you’ve always had.”

Aviva and Lee exchange a look that makes my stomach drop. I know that look. The “are we seriously hearing this right now” look.

“He’s not a bad guy,” I say immediately—too immediately. The words come out before I’ve even thought them through. Neither of them respond, which somehow feels worse.

“Nobody said he was.”

“But you’re thinking it.”

“That’s not what I’m thinking,” Aviva says quietly.

“What are you thinking then?”

She hesitates. That alone makes me nervous. “I’m thinking you’re my best friend,” she says. “And if somebody told me this exact story about somebody else, I’d probably be concerned.”

The ringing starts in my ears. It’s enough to make me want to leave. “Nothing really came up for him until right before I turned twenty-one.”

The second the words leave my mouth, I know they sound bad. Lee notices too. Their expression changes. “So he let you move in knowing he had feelings for you?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Okay, but Anders.” Lee leans forward. “You know how that sounds, right?”

I do. That’s the worst part. I do. I just don’t care.

“Like obviously we’re glad you’re happy,” Aviva says. “I am happy for you. I swear I am.” She reaches across the table and squeezes my wrist. “But the whole thing makes me nervous.”

“It’s not like that.” I hear myself saying it again. The same words and defense. Just over and over.

“Does your therapist know?” Lee asks.

“Yeah.”

“Everything?”

“Mostly.”

“And you’re going to tell her?”

“If it gets serious enough.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them and they sounded entirely ridiculous. Serious enough. As if the past three years haven't happened. As if the other night didn’t happen…the morning after where he told me everything I needed to feel validated and secure.

“Anders,” Aviva says softly. “You live together.”