Page 140 of Twisted Needs

“I just know that when I’m with him, I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel like I can finally stop carrying everything by myself.”

The room grows quiet again, but this time it doesn’t feel tense. It feels thoughtful.

“I love him,” I say simply. “And I know that’s probably not surprising to any of you because you’ve all known me long enough to figure that out already.”

Charlie laughs. “A little.”

“A little,” I agree.

My smile widens. “And he loves me too. He told me a few days ago that he’s in love with me. He said he’d move with me if I ended up leaving D.C. for grad school. He didn’t even hesitate.”

For a second nobody says anything. I don’t feel embarrassed about it or defensive. Mostly I just feel lucky. Because the truth is, loving Parker doesn’t feel complicated when it’s just the two of us. The complicated part is everything outside of us. The actual relationship is honestly the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

“He makes me happy,” I say finally. “That’s really what all of this comes down to. I know there are things about the situation that aren’t ideal. I know there are reasons you guys worry. But at the end of the day, I’m happy. Genuinely happy.” The words settle over the room. They aren’t dramatic or earth-shattering. They’re just true, and somehow that feels stronger than any grand speech I could’ve given.

The apartment goes quiet again, but this time it doesn’t feel tense. Nobody’s trying to argue with me anymore. Nobody’s scrambling for another counterpoint or trying to convince me I’m making some terrible mistake. They’re just sitting with it.

I glance around the room and realize they’re all wearing almost the exact same expression. Understanding. My eyes drift down to Charlie’s hand still wrapped around mine.

“I know it’s weird,” I admit with a small laugh. “Trust me. There are moments where I hear myself explain it out loud and think, wow, that sounds absolutely insane…”

“But it’s also my life.” I shrug lightly. “And for the first time ever, things feel…easy.” The word surprises me a little. Being with him feels easy in a way I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before. I never have to wonder where I stand. I never have to second-guess whether he cares about me. “I don’t know,” I say, rubbing my thumb across Charlie’s knuckles. “I just think if you spent five minutes with us when nobody else was around, you’d get it.”

Charlie smiles softly. “Maybe.”

“Definitely,” Aviva corrects. I look over. She rolls her eyes dramatically before pointing at me. “I still think the age gap is weird.”

“Fair.”

“And I still reserve the right to threaten him.”

“Also fair.”

“We love you.” The response comes so quickly that it overlaps. Charlie leans her head against my shoulder. “If you’re happy,” she says quietly, “then I’m happy.”

Lee nods. “Same.”

Aviva points at me again. “If he ever hurts you, though, we’re burning his house down.”

I laugh. “Good to know.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

Sitting here between the people who know me better than anyone else, I realize I don’t actually need them to understand every detail. They don’t need to understand Parker the way I do. They just need to know that I’m okay and that I’m happy. That this is something I chose. And judging by the way Charlie squeezes my hand, the way Lee finally relaxes back into the couch, and the way Aviva immediately starts showing us the boob pictures she took ten minutes ago, I think they finally do.

Maybe they’ll always worry a little, and I’m almost certain they’ll always make jokes. Aviva will never not threaten violence. But they’re all smiling, and that feels like it’s more than enough.

CHAPTER 38

DON’T HIDE FROM ME

PARKER

“And Lee, like, actually defended me,” Anders says, sounding genuinely stunned by it. “Do you understand how insane that is? Lee is cold-hearted.”

I laugh quietly, leaning back against the hotel headboard.