Page 76 of The Casanova Complex

I shake my head. “What? No. There’s no way.”

“Yep. There is. You just were apparently so fucked-up that you don’t remember it. Or me,” Merritt retorts icily. “Not that there’s much to recount, but it was at a Sigma Chi party. We danced, kissed, stumbled up the stairs to some frat bro’s bedroom, and apparently, you were much drunker than I was.”

None of what she’s saying rings a bell or even remotely triggers any kind of memory, and that in itself is pretty fucking concerning.

I mean, okay, admittedly, my sophomore year is a little bit of a blur now that I’m thinking about it.

I was drowning in girls throwing themselves at me. I was the Hellcats rookie goalie, and I spent more nights partying and ended up in other people’s beds more than my own, but how the fuck could I have gotten so fucked-up that I don’t even remember a thing about that night… how could I not remember her?

I swallow, resisting the urge to reach for her, because I’m certain I’ve never felt like a bigger asshole in my entire life.

I can’t even believe what I’m hearing.

“One second, we were making out, and the next, I was naked in your lap, just like tonight… and everything was going great, but then…” When she trails off, dropping her gaze to my pants, I look down, then back up at her.

“But then…” I say.

She shrugs, rolling her lips together. “You couldn’t get all the way hard.”

I nearly choke on fucking air.

“I’m sorry, what?” I sputter as I close the distance between us. “No fucking way, Merritt.”

“Yes fucking way, Bennett.”

Nope. No goddamn way.

Impossible.

Impossible that I had this beautiful, brilliant, amazing woman in my hands and I let her slip away.

Okay, well, that is plausible because I was a young, dumb fucking idiot, but to not remember it? Any of it?

How the fuck did this happen?

“You laughed about it like it was a joke, not a huge deal, but I was mortified, so I grabbed what was left of my dignity and my clothes and left you sitting there.” She laughs haughtily, shaking her head like she’s recalling the memory. “The icing on the cake was when I saw you making out with another girl like an hour later. Really drove it home. Clearly, the issue wasn’t just that you were drunk; it was me. Just like tonight.”

For fuck’s sake.

No wonder she didn’t want shit to do with me. I wouldn’t either if I were her.

Not only am I an asshole, but I’m an asshole who was so drunk that I couldn’t get it up?

I’ve reached a new low. Well, an old low, but new to me.

“Merritt…” I trail off, reaching up to drag my palm down my face. “Fuck, I don’t even know what to say besides I’m so sorry. Clearly, I was the world’s biggest dumbass by letting that happen, and I wish I had something better to say than that to excuse my behavior, but it’s the truth.” I blow out an uneven breath and reach for her again, tipping her chin up. “I’m a dick, and please believe me when I say this is a reflection of me and had nothing to do with you that night. I was a stupid, young kid who couldn’t handle his alcohol and made shit decisions. I’m sorry if the way I acted that night made you feel like it had anything to do with you.”

I’m starting to piece shit together now that she’s laid out everything on the table in front of me.

The reason she had so much bitterness toward me in the very beginning.

The reason why she’s hurt right now.

Because she thinks that I didn’t want it to happen. That I didn’t want her.

“Let me be crystal clear so there isn’t any room for miscommunication. I didn’t stop things just now because I don’t want you. You have no idea how bad I want you. Literally, I almost came in my fucking pants.”

A small, nearly indecipherable grin pulls at her lips, but she rolls her eyes, biting the inside of her cheek.