Page 84 of The Rogue’s Countess

“No, what you needed to do was write to your dearest friend and ask for help.” Blue eyes flashing with outrage, he eyed her sternly. “Especially when I consider the risk you were so willing to take to save me.”

“I didn’t do anything,” she replied as images of Gideon caressing her flashed through her head. “You never came.”

“No, because I came to my senses. I realized Helstone would have beaten you when the gossip made its rounds. That I refused to have on my conscience. Do you have any idea how hurt I was that you didn’t ask for my help?”

Despite the anger in his voice, the disappointment and pain were equally prominent. Phoebe released a sigh and turned her head to stare out at the Thames. It was a bright sunny morning, and the sunlight bounced off the water as if throwing diamonds onto the water’s surface.

“I’m sorry. I thought it best.”

“No, you were too proud to ask for my help.”

The sharp, piercing words made Phoebe flinched. He was right. She had always been too proud to ask for help. Even now, she didn’t have the ability to tell Lawrence everything about her current situation.

“And now you’re married to Chelmsford. Do you love him?”

“Yes.” Her gaze still focused on the river, she nodded her head. “I love him with my entire being.”

“And?” The single word question indicated Lawrence knew there was more to her story than that.

“He doesn’t love me. Gideon married me as a matter of honor.”

“A matter of honor?” Lawrence’s face grew dark with outrage. “Did he compromise you in some way?”

“I am just as much to blame for the incident. It was a moment….a passionate moment of indiscretion. He was insistent that we marry. I objected, but he refused to take no for an answer.”

“That does not sound like a man who has no feelings for you.”

“He likes me. He’s told me so.”

“Will that be enough for you to be happy, my pet?”

At the question, the memory of the last few days and nights she’d spent with Gideon filled her head. The nights of passionate lovemaking since their wedding night had been moments of ecstasy. Afterward, Gideon would refuse to let her leave him, and each night she’d fallen asleep in his arms. Then there was the laughter and teasing during the day. The evenings of companionship and his genuine interest in her thoughts and opinions.

Last night, her heart had soared with happiness when Gideon had said he was happy as he whirled her around the dance floor. It had given her hope that he might be developing deeper feelings for her. Even now, she realized how much she wanted to believe there was another explanation for Gideon’s behavior last night. How could he say he was happy with her, yet moments later, enter a dark garden with another woman? Whatever his reason, she knew the only way would be to ask him for the truth.

“I don’t know, but I know I would be miserable if I were not able to hear his voice or see him smile at me, even if it’s only with affection and not love when he does so.”

“I think I understand,” Lawrence said with a nod. “I would feel the same way if Anthony didn’t love me.”

“When do you return to France?”

“I sail for Calais in two days. Will you at least come for a visit in the future?” he asked quietly. “I’ve missed you.”

“Yes, I’ll find a way to come visit as I’ve missed you too.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, and when Phoebe heard the clock tower’s bell echo in the distance, she rose to her feet.

“I must go. It will be close to lunchtime when I return. The fewer questions I’m asked, the better. I have no wish to lie.” There were enough lies laying hidden between her and Gideon.

“Very well, but I’ll have your promise that you will write me. Send it care of Freemont and Turner. I also expect you to come for a visit soon.”

“That is a promise I can keep,” she said with a smile as she kissed his cheek before she looked at her friend with sadness. Lawrence hugged her tightly before releasing her. He took a step back and returned her smile.

“Forgive me for not walking you to a hack, my pet. If someone were to see us, it would put both of us at risk.”

“I would not have let you if you had tried to.” With another hug, her vision grew blurry as tears threatened to fall.

“Now, now, no tears. We will see each other soon.” At his gentle remonstration, she nodded.