Page 15 of Surrender

Even more amazing was that despite Genevieve’s painful past, she was a creature of great passion. Theo wanted to experience more of that passion, which meant persuading Genevieve to marry him. The memory of how adamant she’d been in rejecting his offer shouldn’t have surprised him. It was understandable. But he’d forgotten the one thing Peter had once told him.

Genevieve found it almost impossible to trust anyone. Theo remembered how cheerful and lively she was as a child. Yet it had taken her a long time to trust the men in the family, including him and his other cousins. And she had avoided any true physical contact with her new family for years before her guard fell.

But it was evident she was conflicted when it came to believing he wouldn’t betray any trust she placed in him, and that was his doing.

From the moment he’d entered the croft, he’d done nothing to make her believe she was safe with him. Instead of reasoning with her, as Peter would have, he’d autocratically informed her she would not enter the East End without him as a partner. Then he’d overstepped so many boundaries when he’d demanded to see her stab wound. Worst of all, he’d lost all reason and made love to her, only to act like a tyrant when she’d refused to marry him.

Not to mention how fearless and strong she’d been to admit she’d taken pleasure in their lovemaking. And Christ Jesus, he’d been thunderstruck when she’d been so pragmatic in her offer to be his mistress. In fact, her practical attitude had been nothing short of remarkable. It had taken extraordinary courage to risk proposing such an arrangement, no matter how inappropriate.

Yet her efforts to protect herself hadn’t prevented Genevieve from paying a high price for the risk she’d taken. In declining her offer, Theo had humiliated her. He was certain she’d viewed his response as being scorned by him. It didn’t matter how gentle his refusal had been. His rejection had only reinforced what her past had led her to believe.

Genevieve believed she was worthy of only being his mistress, not his wife. And despite Theo’s efforts to convince her she was wrong, he’d failed. It would take time and persistence to convince her that her past didn’t make her unworthy. In fact, her ability to survive a terrifying childhood only accentuated how strong, courageous, and resilient she was. Few women could have survived what Genevieve had endured. Yet she was fearless in her determination to live life the way she wanted. With the darkness of her past, it was understandable she wouldn’t want to be under any man’s thumb ever again.

While the laws were beginning to change, they still offered women little say in their lives once they were married. Given Genevieve’s vicious rejection of his marriage proposal, it was obvious she didn’t trust him to follow through on his promise to make her independent. That’s what he’d missed all afternoon. She didn’t trust him.

Not only that, he’d given Genevieve leverage to use against him in the future by admitting she was right. Theo did want her. He wanted her desperately. He could have spent the next week here in the croft making love to her. Hell, even that wouldn’t be enough. But he wanted her as his wife, not as his mistress.

Convincing Genevieve to be Lady Selbourne was a problem he had no solution to at the moment. It was a problem that pitted him against an almost insurmountable goal, and what the hell was he going to do if she became with child? She’d said she would deal with the matter herself, but he wasn’t about to let that happen.

Before Theo had known Genevieve was working for the Crown, he’d known protecting her would be difficult. Now, knowing that she worked for the Foreign Section, only meant Theo’s work had become all the challenging. With his reckless behavior and questionable judgement today, Theo had managed to make a situation already fraught with danger even more hazardous.

God help him if he made the mistake of developing feelings for Genevieve. The thought came out of nowhere, and it sent his heart slamming into his breastbone so hard, he sucked in a breath of discomfort. What the hell was he thinking? Nothing like that was going to happen. He couldn’t—wouldn’t let that happen.

Behind him, the croft door opened with a loud squeak, and Theo turned to watch Genevieve step out into the light. The vulnerability of earlier was gone, her mask of serenity restored. For not the first time, he acknowledged just how special Genevieve was.

His best friend had recognized the fact long ago. Peter had understood the woman who’d grown up overnight in the East End better than anyone, until now. Today he’d realized what Peter had known all along.

Genevieve needed a man who was strong enough to know when to hold her and persuade her to a different mindset, yet wise enough to know when to let her stand on her own. As she closed the small distance between them, Theo murmured his reiteration of the promise he’d made to his friend.

“I swear by the sword and blood of Angus Stewart I’ll give my life to protect her, Peter. And I swear I’ll strive to be the man she needs me to be.”

Chapter 5

Genevieve stared out at the cloudy sky hanging over the rolling Ochil hills surrounding Callendar Abbey. Despite the five tall windows that lined the wall of the Abbey’s enormous library, the light didn’t quite reached some of the far corners of the room. In the distance, she saw several riders she knew had to be her cousins.

Fanny, Imogene, Ross and Charles had agreed to accompany their younger cousins for a ride out on the moors. Although her sister and older cousins enjoyed riding, they rarely rode with the younger children. But when Uncle Sebastian had heard Tilly would be going, their uncle had emphatically stated she could not go unless someone much older rode with her.

Ross had volunteered without hesitation, knowing he was the only one, other than the senior Rockwoods, who could keep her cousin out of trouble. If there was anyone the younger generation of the family who could rise to the occasion of being reckless it was Tilly.

One of the riders took off at breakneck speed followed by another rider. With a small smile, Genevieve shook her head. Only Tilly rode like that, and either Ross or Charles followed in hot pursuit. In all likelihood it was Ross. Once he caught up with her, Tilly would regret her impulsiveness the moment he lectured her. Although Ross’s stern reprimands kept Tilly from doing something reckless, her cousin was never cruel with his words.

Genevieve winced. That couldn’t be said where she was concerned. The thought made her heart tighten in her chest. Yesterday, fear had driven her to say a number of cruel things to Theo—harsh words Genevieve deeply regretted. When Theo had said he intended to marry her, she’d been appalled, and immediately balked at the idea. The suggestion of him having compromised her was laughable given her past. She’d lost the ability to make that claim when she was seven.

She had no intention of marrying any man, and certainly not to satisfy Theo’s honor. If she were to become his wife, he’d come to regret it. More importantly, Theo wasn’t responsible for what had happened—Genevieve was. She’d been the one to seduce him. All she’d wanted was to feel alive again.

Deep inside, Genevieve heard gleeful laughter as she tried to convince herself their lovemaking had been nothing more than a carnal need to ease her pain and grief. Her mouth went dry, knowing she was lying to herself. While their lovemaking had alleviated her sorrow for a short time, it had also awakened unexpected emotions inside her.

In her dreams, Theo’s kisses always thrilled her, and when he’d kissed her for the first time at the croft, she hadn’t wanted him to stop. His kiss had left her craving more, and the instant he’d tried to push her away she’d refused to let it end there.

Genevieve had been without shame yesterday. Theo’s attempts to keep himself from bedding her had been genuine, but she’d overridden his objections with her actions. The past had made the thought of a man kissing or making advances toward her repugnant—until Theo.

When he’d kissed her yesterday, she hadn’t been repulsed. His kiss had made her ache for something she’d not understood until he’d touched her so intimately. Desire was the only emotion she’d experienced. There had been no pain, horror, or revulsion when Theo had touched her. All the more astonishing was the pleasure Genevieve had experienced. The sensations swirling through her had brought her arousal to a high pitch that had made her savor how thick and hard he was inside her. Even more alarming was what she’d experienced the moment his body had moved against hers.

For the first time in her life, Genevieve had enjoyed a man’s touch—even ached for it. Not once had she felt all the things she’d experienced as a child. Not once had her mind become detached and oblivious to what was happening to her. There had been no need, because even when the past tried to haunt her, it had faded beneath the pleasure Theo’s touch elicited inside her.

Something about his almost tender caresses had made her believe he wanted her to enjoy their lovemaking as much as he did. With every touch, he’d ignited a blaze that had raced across her skin then sunk into her pores. The sensation hadn’t just been unexpected, it had been exhilarating. And dear God, the pinnacle she’d reached as her body had shuddered hard against him had left her dazed.

It had been intoxicating, but it made no sense. How could being with Theo make her feel things the past had made her believe would be degrading? Terrified by her reaction to him, she’d done the one thing she rarely did. Genevieve had run.