Page 174 of Dragon 7

I studied his face. “How long does it last?”

“The hollow feeling?”

I nodded.

Kenji’s thumb slowed against my skin. “That depends on what you try to put inside it.”

“What does that mean?”

“Some people fill the emptiness with liquor. Some use drugs. Sex. Violence. More killing.” His fingers tightened slightly in my braids. “Others fill it with excuses. They repeat that the person deserved to die until they no longer remember why they pulled the trigger.”

I swallowed. “And what did you fill it with?”

Kenji stared past me toward the morning light. “For a long time. . .I filled the hollowness with more rage. I made myself angry enough that I did not have to feel anything else.”

I raised my hands and rested them against his chest. “Did it work?”

“For a while, and then the anger began needing to be fed.”

A chill brushed through me.

Kenji looked back at me. “That is the danger no one tells you about. Violence can make itself useful. At first, you use it to survive. Then you use it to protect someone. Then you use it because it solves problems quickly.”

His gaze held mine. “Eventually, it begins creating problems merely so it can solve them.”

I let out a slow breath. “I. . .watched the life leave her as I choked her.”

“Did you like it?”

“Y-yes. She was looking at me with all of this fear. Finally. And. . .I liked that she finally understood that I was the one ending her life.”

Silence ran between us.

He brushed his thumb beneath my eye. “You must never lie to yourself about why you killed her, Tora.”

“I won’t.” I shivered.

“Then, tell me.”

“Why?”

“Because this is the way to make the hollow feeling lessen.”

I swallowed. “I killed Kiko because. . .I was so fucking mad. I killed her because. . .after protecting her and her unborn children. . .I had to sacrifice mine. I killed her because. . .I didn’t think she deserved a happy ending. Are those. . .bad reasons?”

“No.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“Good. Just. . .next time let me do it so that. . .you don’t have to carry things like this. You are my queen.”

I pressed my palm over his heart. “Queens kill for their kings too, Dragon.”

He curved his mouth into a smile. “Is that right, Tora?”

“Yes. And you are my king, if someone comes for what is ours, and you’re busy already shedding blood well then. . .I will do all the things that must be done.”

“That. . .I know.” He held my gaze.