Page 13 of Speed

During the long flight, I spent a lot of time thinking back to the year that Kayla and I had lived in the same house as teens. I'd never had any idea that she had a thing for me back then. She'd seemed so much younger than me, though it was only a few years, and she'd seemed very shy. She was into school and her friends. I'd always liked her; I thought she was sweet, and I'd hoped our parents would stay together, though I knew from my dad's history that it was unlikely.

I'd always cared about her, though I probably didn't show it at the time, and now I was causing her pain, with no idea how to make things better.

Brussels was cloudy and gray, but it suited my mood much better than the sunny city I'd left. It had been nearly fifteen years since I'd lived in Belgium, and it no longer felt like home, even though it was where I'd been born.

After my parents divorced, I'd lived with my mom, but my difficult teen period started early. When my dad moved to the U.S., I generally made myself unbearable and begged to go live with him. My mom and I had a few rough years back then, but we were close now.

Since I was scheduled to arrive in the early morning, I'd insisted my mom and her husband, Lucas, not meet me at the airport. Instead, I took a taxi to their townhouse where they gave me a warm welcome. My mom had married Lucas when I was seven, and a few years later they'd had my younger brother, Victor, who was getting ready to go to university later this year. After greetings and long hugs, they took me into the kitchen where breakfast was waiting.

Conversation was light during our meal, but I noticed the concerned looks my mom was giving me. When the plates were cleared, and Lucas and Victor had gone off to get ready for the day, she asked me what was wrong.

"Nothing." I was looking out the window and watching snow fall.

"Axel," she said, "I may not see you often, but I know you. Is everything okay with your sponsorships and your team?"

"Yeah, that's all fine." I answered with an upbeat tone, hoping she'd be reassured and not question me any further. No such luck.

"And how is your health? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine." I got up to pour myself more coffee.

"Is it a girl?"

I made the mistake of not answering immediately.

"Axel..."

I heard her turn in her chair and I felt her stare.

"Has a girl finally gotten through to you?"

"Gotten through to me?" I said. I turned to see a hopeful expression on her face.

"Is there finally someone you care about?"

She knew me much too well. I just shrugged. "I'm fine, mother."

My family visit went by quickly because we kept busy. I was relieved not to have a lot of time alone with my thoughts. My mom tried twice to talk to me about what was bothering me, but she didn't push.

Before I left she told me that she'd hoped I'd finally found a good woman and that things would work out. She said she thought I'd be happier if I "settled down." She and Lucas had celebrated their twentieth wedding anniversary last year. She still believed in love, and was making it work, even after having been left by my dad.

At the airport, waiting for my return flight, I was checking messages when a young blond woman took the open seat next to me. She started a conversation, and it turned out that she also was Belgian and now living in the U.S. We talked for a while and eventually I realized she was flirting with me. I was surprised to also realize that I was not interested in flirting back. She was very attractive, and normally I would have had her number by now, but I suddenly had no interest. We parted ways when boarding began.

On the flight home, I couldn't sleep. With nothing to distract me, my mind kept replaying my last conversation with Kayla. I kept picturing the look of pity in her eyes when I'd told her I didn't make emotional commitments.

What was it Kayla had said about me? 'That's no way to go through life.' Maybe it was time to consider a change.

CHAPTER 10

WALKING ON CLOUDS

KAYLA

I felt lighter. I actually felt lighter, like I was beginning to be free.

The night of my confrontation with Axel in the bar, I'd felt terrible, and I'd been in a state of shock about the admission I'd made to him. But the next day, I woke up feeling like I'd jumped over a hurdle, and maybe it would be easier from here on out.

I knew with complete certainty that all this time I'd been idolizing a version of Axel that did not exist. He was a good-looking and likable man, yes, but in one major way he wasn't really a man at all. When it came to relationships, he was still a child emotionally, and realizing that about him magically broke the spell he'd had over me.