Page 73 of Use Me Up

So, see, this is why we can’t see each other, because when we see each other, we do this.

A thought surfaces out of my subconscious. You could stop this.

I know I could. I could be gentle and firm, and she would probably be really grateful, actually, that one of us was putting on the brakes. It would be the right thing to do, and it would probably be the first time we end whatever destructive cycle she and I are caught up in. It wouldn’t fix everything, but if I did this, now, it would be easier to do it again, and it’s exactly what I should do.

But fuck that.

No way am I stopping this.

So, I kiss her back, and she wriggles around in my lap, and then she’s got her hand in my shirt, or maybe I have my hand in her pants, or who knows, whatever.

Very soon, we’re naked and she smells like a volcano now. She smells like ash and smoke and like sparks are sizzling into me, burrowing hot into my skin, and I am on fire.

“Condom,” she says breathlessly. “I went off suppressants to try for a baby with Andrew. We have to have a condom.”

“I’ll pull out,” I say.

“No, you pre-come like crazy. You’re an omega.” She slips her hand over my cock to prove this to me, and I’m leaking like a sieve.

So, we go up to my bedroom, which is where the condoms are, and that’s when I notice I’m slicking. Which should be a sign, because I know what that means, but I don’t notice it with the thinking part of my brain. It’s noise.

I nail her on the bed, slamming in and out of her while her perfect little tits jiggle tantalizingly in time to my thrusts, and—

The door is opening downstairs.

I keep fucking her, because that’s noise, too, but alarm is blooming at the back of my skull, and I’m putting this together, and I know what’s happening, and I feel sick with dread and shame and regret.

But I’m still fucking her.

“Hannah,” I snarl, my voice loud enough to echo down the stairs where she has just come in, even though I don’t know why because she said she was going to go home because she can’t be productive enough here for her unpaid internship and that she needed to work there today, “do not come up here.”

Calliope lets out a cry of horror.

I’m still fucking her.

She slams her palm into my bare chest, trying to push me off.

I fuck her for five more thrusts before I retreat and stagger off the bed and stand there, in the doorway, condom stuck to my dick, slick pouring out of my asshole and trailing down the inside of my thighs, and Hannah is right there, in the doorway, looking at both of us.

hannah

For several interminable moments, no one moves or speaks. I look at Ellis, naked, facing me, and I look at Calliope, naked on the bed where he fucks me, and they look at me.

Moments tick on, long moments, one after the other, and I can hear sounds, like the distant hum of the refrigerator and a bird chirping outside of the window.

And then it’s an explosion of movement, both of them diving to cover themselves, both of them talking at the same time, saying things, apologies, making agonized noises, just too much sound, too much everything.

I back out of the room and collapse into the wall right next to the doorway.

“Go out there and talk to her,” Calliope is saying.

“This is your fucking fault, and I want you to own that.”

“Yeah, it’s all my fault.” She’s sarcastic.

I go down the steps, very carefully, taking deep breaths. I go into the living room, which is where I’ve left a folder that I need, where I had printed out some pages that I’m doing a markup on. It’s easier for me to do edits with a pen sometimes. This is the reason I came back, so that I could get this. I was thinking that it might be a lost cause, that I’d get distracted by Ellis and we’d end up messing around, and…

My stomach lurches.