Page 78 of Fortuitous Encounters

The horrid woman looked most repentant, so I imagined my set-down had been effective, as they always were.

“My apologies, Miss Bingley. Perhaps Miss Bennet will perform the introductions since you seem to be such a stickler for protocol.”

I reddened in anger and was just about to give her the set-down of her life, when Charles decided to interfere for no apparent reason.

“Would you allow me the office? I am acquainted with everyone here.”

The little chit actually smiled at my mutton-headed brother, and I suspected I might have another rescue to execute soon if she kept her knives as sharp as the Bennet woman. She answered with a smile much too big to be genuine, “Of course, Mr Bingley. It would be my honour.”

My insufferable brother walked in front of me, smirking. What was wrong with that boy? He took a big breath and began what was likely the most tedious introduction in history.

“Forgive me if I get precedence wrong.”

The little hoyden said, “We do not stand on ceremony. Might I call you Charles… Oh! I am getting ahead of myself. Lizzy has been berating me for days about that… or has it been the other way round? I am not certain!”

She delivered that last with what could only be described as a witch’s cackle, and even odder still, the aforementioned Eliza started coughing uncontrollably. Mr Darcy, in a very gentlemanlike manner, slapped her on the back to help her clear her cough, while holding her arm to ensure he did not knock her onto the table. He was being entirely too much of a gentleman. Perform such a move more than once, and the Parson’s Mousetrap was almost certain to be your fate. Of course, that had me considering how I might put it to use, and I determined I could probably work with that idea once I dispatched Eliza and her coach driver’s wife friend. I was not about to let her get her hooks into him ahead of me.

Charles stood oddly tall for his introduction. “Very well. Miss Anne de Bourgh, Heiress of Rosings in Kent, may I present you to my sister, Miss Caroline Bingley, daughter of trade from Yorkshire.”

I am certain I swayed and nearly fell as the horror of the worst day of my life dawned on me. Anne de Bourgh! My life was ruined, and it was all my brother’s fault.

Charles took my arm to steady me and whispered, “Steady on, Caroline. How many times have I told you not to make assumptions. You set your own table with your bad manners, so let us see how much you enjoy the meal.”

With much too bright a smile, the chaw-bacon continued as if my life were not over.

“Colonel Fitzwilliam! May I present my sister, Miss Caroline Bingley! Tell me, Colonel, is your father the Earl of Matlock in good health, and has your brother the Viscount decided to finally admit defeat on our last wager?”

The insufferable colonel bowed. “My father is quite well, Bingley. As for my brother, he might admit defeat on his deathbed, but do not hold your breath; and I would appreciate it if you did not hurry that day. I particularly do not want to be the next earl.”

With that, he and my brother laughed and Darcy joined in, surprisingly joined by the two ladies, while I turned red or white or more likely green.

I was almost certain I would collapse, and probably would have despite Charles holding me up, but fortunately a distraction forestalled it.

I managed to hold my feet long enough for the door-bell to ring.

Tradesmen (Anne)

“Mr Gardiner, Mrs Gardiner, and Miss Bennet.”

Jane is here! Jane is here! Jane is here! Life is wonderful! Jane is here!

The refrain started bouncing around my mind over and over and over as I ran across the room most indecorously. I ran up to her and gave her an enormous sisterly hug, and she returned it with all the exuberance she was capable of.

Naturally, she then turned and did the same thing with Lizzy who had been a step behind me. She looked perplexed with my actions, but I did not care. I had to assume she was wonderful if she was Elizabeth’s sister, and I had heard enough about her indirectly to be quite excited to see her.

The older couple looked at me in some confusion, but nowhere near as much as I would have expected. They were genteel and caring-appearing people, and I could tell that they were in love. At least, in my fanciful imagination I believed that to be the case, and since in my circles I mostly saw couples who were in love the way a snake is in love with a mongoose, perhaps I was just a touch on the cynical side. The couple took the sight of a complete stranger hugging their—what was she, niece perhaps—with nary a raised eyebrow. I imagined that they had some idea of the exuberance of girls, and probably thought getting any sense out of any of us within the next minute or two was an impossible task, for which they had no inclination. They waited patiently as if they had all day.

The day was getting better and better. First, that horrid woman got the set-down she deserved—social-climbing bottom dweller that she was—and now I had one more Bennet sister with me. I wondered if the next bell might be the other three!

Much to my surprise, Darcy was right behind Lizzy as if glued to her, so perhaps he was reevaluating whether he really needed a fortune or whether he could have a more worthy woman and act the man with respect to saving his estate. I would definitely talk to him about his aborted proposal at the very first opportunity. I was also certain to canvas the absurdly ungentlemanly conduct of telling a woman he could not offer for her because he needed an heiress. Of course, I could not truly chastise him for making an address that Elizabeth did not seem to even desire, but I was in no mood for reasonableness. A reasonable person would be quite the anomaly in this room anyway, and you know how much I like to fit in. I also had to reflect that with the way Lizzy had been looking at him the previous five minutes (a lifetime in this particular assembly), I was not entirely certain of her indifference.

Miss Orange Dress with Feathers viewed the display of affection with open disdain, while her brother guided her slowly and steadily towards the table, apparently fearful that she would fall over. He did not seem to feel it would be a terrible thing for her to swoon and spend a bit of time prostrate on the floor, but he seemed gentlemanly enough to think that would oblige one of the other gentlemen in the room to assist her, and I doubted either of them would be willing to assist her from the floor with tongs.

He gently guided her to the table, and sat her in the chair next to the Colonel. I imagined she could not possibly be all that much worse than French cavalry, so Periwinkle seemed safe enough. He was poor as a rat, so he was safe from her, and she was—wait just one minute—for all I knew she had a decent dowry, was obsessed with entering the first circles, and the colonel was eyeing her with the same look he used with Darcy’s horse. Ah well, he was a big boy. I was not to be concerned about him. The only thing I really needed him for anymore was to explain Darcy’s financial woes, but the way Darcy was looking at Lizzy, I was not at all certain that problem would not sort itself out in time anyway. According to my design, they might have months together at Pemberley, which was ample time to either fall in love or grow to hate the very sight of each other. Those two could go either way.

Elizabeth and Jane separated, and Lizzy set about performing introductions.

“Uncle Gardiner, Aunt Gardiner, Jane, may I present to your acquaintance some friends of mine, Mr Darcy of Pemberley in Derbyshire… Miss de Bourgh of both Rosings in Kent and occasionally Bedlam… Colonel Fitzwilliam… Mr Bingley… Miss Bingley.”